Harry Potter and the Vegas Mishaps
by alienyouthct
Summary: When Harry and Hermione decide to stick around and enjoy the sights after a MACUSA consulting gig in Las Vegas, they end up going down paths that neither of them could have possibly expected...
1. When Harry Woke Up

Title: _Harry Potter and the Accidental Harem  
_ Author: JoeHundredaire  
Rating: R/FR18/M  
Pairings: Harry Potter/F/F/F/F, Hermione Granger/F  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the _Harry Potter_ universe. Wish they were mine so I could do increasingly nonsensical things to them and watch my bank account get steadily larger, but sadly not mine. With a myriad of writers, artists, and editors, actual rights are a nightmare when you go near a comic book universe. Suffice it to say that Marvel Entertainment LLC owns all of the property printed in their comics, along with the television and movie adaptations of said same property. Not mine, don't sue, and so forth and so on.  
Summary: When Harry and Hermione decide to stick around and enjoy the sights after a MACUSA consulting gig in Las Vegas, they end up going down paths that neither of them could have possibly expected.  
Joe's Note: For those of you familiar with my larger body of work, you'll probably recognize the skeleton upon which this story was built. It started out as my first ever multi-chapter story all the way back in 2006, with abortive reboots in 2011 and 2017. Largely because I've always struggled with matching tonality to concept; I've wanted to be neither the man you laugh with or laugh at, so much as the man who tells you an interesting story. But at the end of the day, certain concepts are just so ludicrous that you simply can't tell them in a serious way. Jinni's 'When I Woke Up' challenge - the originator of the oft-copied and modified 'this character goes here, gets drunk, and wakes up with this crossover character' challenge - is simply one of those things because the very premise strains credibility. So for once, I'm going to try and sit back and have some fun with a story concept, and see where it takes me without doing hundreds of hours of world building research, complex outlining, or other Serious Writing behaviors. Let's see how it goes.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

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As consciousness returned to him in a rush of dull aches and throbbing pains, Harry Potter knew before he even opened his eyes that the last thing he wanted to do was… well, open his eyes. It was the same feeling of foreboding that he'd had on his first day of Hogwarts so many years ago, upon waking up on the day of the Third Task in the Triwizard Tournament, just before sliding out of bed on the day of the Battle of Hogwarts when he'd ultimately thrown down Voldemort's growing control over the British wizarding community, and on the day where he rolled over to find a note from Ginny and her few possessions missing from his first apartment. It was an undefinable but now unmistakeable feeling that once he opened his eyes and confronted the day ahead of him, something was waiting for Harry that would ensure that his life would never again be the same. That one chapter of his existence was coming to a close and another was just beginning. Or rather, the chapter would be beginning if he would just find the courage to confront it.

But instead of embracing his inner Gryffindor and bravely facing the unknown head on, Harry kept his eyes firmly shut as he tried - and roundly failed - to ignore the throbbing in his head. For a brief moment, he idly found himself wondering where exactly he was. A bed, obviously, but a bed where? Certainly not his own hotel room, seeing as how he didn't actually have one. Or did he? He hadn't gone back to the hotel between when he'd left and when he'd gotten quite possibly the drunkest he'd ever been in his life. Did they still let people check into hotel rooms if they were that wasted?

Not that he'd been irresponsible enough to reach Sin City and just take off into the wild neon yonder. With his traveling companion, much less alone. When they'd arrived the previous day, they'd managed to wrap up their consulting work for the MACUSA in record time, leaving them with a hotel reservation they didn't exactly need… but eventually decided that they shouldn't pass up. They'd sought out what was supposed to be their temporary home away from home, only to have the woman at the front desk inform them - in an almost laughably bad fake British accent - that 3:27 PM was in fact not close enough to the advertised 4:00 PM check-in time to be acceptable, and that they'd have to wait another thirty-three minutes before the hotel would be ready to process their reservation.

While his companion had been perfectly content to crack open a book and sit through the half-hour wait, Harry had always chafed at inaction. On the other hand, he'd spent enough nights in hotels of various qualities to know that arguing would just land him next to the ice machine or something else unpleasant. So instead, he'd dragged his friend away from the front desk and back out the front doors into the hustle and bustle of Vegas. Denied a room - at least for the moment - and refusing to just sit around aimlessly when there was so much to see and do, he'd picked a direction at random and started walking.

The solution to his problem - boredom - had been obvious as soon as the pair had walked out the door: exploration. While they were in one of the smaller hotels, there were numerous massive 'hotel and casino' complexes that were also home to shows to be seen, restaurants to try, shops to… shop in, a few roller coasters and other thrill rides for the braver folks… Harry even vaguely remembered hearing something about one hotel having an aquarium with sharks, although he couldn't remember which for the life of him. All sorts of exciting things to see and do and that was before they even began ducking into the actual standalone buildings that housed stores and attractions of their own. And that was just the muggle side of the city, discounting all the magical attractions that they'd caught the barest of glimpses of while working that day.

From there? As best Harry could remember, there'd been some gambling - much to his companion's disapproval - followed by some showgirls that she disapproved of even more, the inevitable drinking that came with enjoying most any attraction in Sin City, and now he was waking up… somewhere. And while he had a throbbing headache, it was definitely far less painful than it should have been considering how much he'd drunk - or was reasonably certain that he'd drunk - the night before. Note to self: he needed to buy Hermione one hell of a present before he returned to London, because her anti-hangover potion was quite possibly the only reason he was conscious at the moment.

Turning his head slightly to one side, Harry cracked his eyes open again and peered over at the alarm clock. 9:42. Given that the light filtering in through the closed curtains was a bit too white to be the technicolor neon glow of Vegas after dark, Harry assumed that it was 9:42 AM rather than 9:42 PM. Not that it would have been much darker at night, but the color would have been different. Idly, he wondered if he'd still be charged for the hotel room that he'd never checked into. Did it really matter, though? Technically, this was a working trip for him and so either the MACUSA or the ICW was picking up the tab. Possibly some combination thereof, or maybe even the Ministry of Magic. To be honest, Harry wasn't entirely sure whose money he was wasting… but it wasn't his. Not that he couldn't afford to pick up the tab for an unused hotel room. Or ten. For a year.

Thinking about the multiple vaults all under his control quickly lead Harry to thinking about the people who had died for him to inherit said vaults, and he shook his head to keep his thoughts from continuing down those dark paths. What was done was done, there was no way to bring them back, and if he really wanted to, he could honor them by spending the money in ways that they would have approved of. Or at least that's what the therapist that Hermione had hooked him up with had drummed into his head. Personally, he was all for that… except for maybe when it came to the Lestrange vault. He had a sinking suspicion that he knew what Bellatrix and the brothers Lestrange would have approved of him spending money on, and all those things were either illegal, immoral, or both.

Sometimes, it really made Harry wonder if all the effort that he was putting in was actually worth it. Going back to Hogwarts to make up his seventh year. Sitting for NEWTs. Going through training. Becoming an auror. Getting punted back and forth all over Europe - and now the world - with his partner helping put out brushfires in various magical communities. He didn't have to. He didn't need this sort of stress and danger. He had enough money that he could live like a Malfoy until the day that he died, and so could his kids and probably even his kids' kids. And that was without investing or any other sort of money management on his end. Maybe this was the sort of life that he should more seriously consider enjoying. He had enough other things going on in his life that maybe it was time to decide that he didn't need work. There were plenty of things to keep him busy so that he didn't literally bore himself to death… and he could think of a dozen ways to tempt his partner into following him into retirement.

As the hangover potion continued to struggle mightily against the aftereffects of the copious amount of alcohol that he'd enjoyed the previous evening, Harry began reassembling his thoroughly shot occlumency barriers and sorting through his fragmented memories of the night before. Although he quickly realized that he didn't actually need to recall all of the events of the past dozen or so hours to know at least one thing that he'd done. While there was always a chance that there was a body in his bed for perfectly innocent… wait. There was a cold body in his bed. Not even room temperature, which would have meant he'd repeated the same mistake that he'd made while trying to have a one-night stand in Romania. Not that he had anything against vampires, of course; the fact that they didn't need to come up for air certainly had its uses…

Then Harry turned his head to the left and found himself staring at blue skin. Huh. Blue-skinned and cold. But naturally a healthy shade of blue, and breathing. So not a corpse. Some sort of magical sentient, obviously. But what? Nothing he could recognize at a quick glance, that was for sure.

Rolling onto his side so that he didn't have to keep straining his neck, Harry found himself scrutinizing his bedmate's face. Definitely inhuman, but just as definitely a species that Harry wasn't the least bit familiar with. Which took some doing these days. She sported pointed ears and faint facial grooves to go along with her blue skin, although not all of her was blue. The right side of the girl's face was almost the same shade as Harry's own skin, with the line that divided blue from pink slowly shifting as the girl slept. She and her kind probably lived alongside both muggle and magical humans undetected, Harry reasoned, which would explain why he didn't recognize them. This one probably hadn't intended to reveal herself; maybe this had been her first time too and she had no idea that her human form faltered when she slept?

Idle curiosity had Harry lifting the sheet and peeking underneath, only to freeze at what he found. While yes, it turned out that the bisection did go all the way down… there was an unexpected tanned hand cupping the expected blue breast. Which answered one of his questions while creating a hundred more in his head. Sitting up slowly and biting his lip to keep from groaning as the world spun around him, Harry stared past Blue Girl at the Tan Girl spooning her from behind. And then past Tan Girl to Blonde Cybergoth Girl… who appeared to be cuddling with Goth Girl and gently gnawing on her companion's collarbone in her sleep in between faint, angry-sounding mumbles. The two pairs looked very comfortable with each other, although the way that Goth Girl was stretching one arm past Blonde Cybergoth Girl to rest on Tan Girl's hip spoke of some degree of familiarity as well.

So… what exactly was he looking at here? Had he managed to seduce two separate women last night, each of whom had a girlfriend who had decided to come along for the ride? Maybe, but the interaction across the cuddling pairs made that unlikely. Muggles didn't do multiple marriages like certain wizarding communities - his own included - so that wasn't it. Maybe they were one of those newfangled… what had Hermione told him that a couple had attempted to invite her into? Polyamory? A polyamorous… grouple? What did you call a couple with more than two people in it?

While his four bedmates were pretty well entwined with each other, Harry found himself lucky enough to not only be on the outside of the cuddle puddle but completely unimpeded as he sat up and then slid out of the bed entirely. As he yawned and stretched, he found his magical efforts bearing fruit as the swirling mess inside his head began to reassemble itself into vaguely coherent memories. And so when he looked back down at the bed, he found himself remembering… Tan Girl was Kate. Kate Bishop, heiress to the Bishop Publishing fortune, occasional philanthropist, and altogether terrible at hiding the fact that she was Hawkeye of the Young Avengers. While her all-purple wardrobe wasn't exactly conclusive proof, the fact that she'd pulled some sort of collapsible bow out of her purse to help stop a robbery the previous evening kinda was. She seemed to be equal parts Hermione and Lavender, as odd of a thought as that was, and most definitely not the kind of girl who Harry would have thought that he'd enjoy spending time with. But as he'd discovered last night, being bossed around in the bedroom was much more fun than being bossed around anywhere else. Who knew?

Having established that one of the girls that he'd woken up with was Hawkeye, Harry could have identified at least two of the others even without the aid of his returning memories. After all, he'd memorized the various superhero team dossiers before taking a consulting gig for the MACUSA in New York City, and what were the odds that Kate was running around with a pair of girls who closely resembled her teammates from the Young Avengers but actually weren't? Especially a cybergoth with red and black extensions in her hair?

Side note: if not for Luna's interesting dive into muggle fashion to improve her ability to blend in - so to speak - with muggles on her various expeditions, Harry wouldn't have known what goths, cybergoths, or extensions were.

No, Blonde Cybergoth Girl - who also went by Cassie, Cass, and Cassandra Lang - was definitely Hawkeye's teammate Stature from the Young Avengers. Which in turn made Goth Girl the newest Young Avenger: Nadia Pym, the Wasp. They were quite a pair as best he could remember from the night before, and much easier to get along with than Kate. From what he'd seen of her the night before, Cassie seemed to be equal parts Luna and Neville, as unlikely a combination as that seemed. Grounded and earnest at points, but equally prone to whimsy and flights of fancy when certain subjects came up. Definitely funny. A good kisser, despite her admitted lack of experience. Nadia, on the other hand, was as warm and bubbly as Cassie but considerably more sheltered, almost as much as Harry himself was. It made him wonder what her story was, because he knew why he was so unfamiliar with what most people found familiar… and he somehow doubted that she was both a witch and a superheroine. Although despite her overall naïveté, she'd somehow managed to outshine Cassie when it came to… being inventive… when it came to their shared power set.

But even as his memories began trickling in, the mystery surrounding the blue-skinned girl only continued to grow. She was definitely capable of assuming a fully human appearance - albeit one with a definite nod to Nadia's sense of style - and her friends were just as definitely in on her secret… but they were roundly terrible at keeping said secret. The girl had introduced herself to Harry as 'Reginna' - two Ns, she'd made a point of specifying - and Cassie had occasionally called her 'Reg', but it definitely wasn't her real name. Both Cassie and Kate had caught themselves trying to call her something else a handful of times; Harry was pretty sure the girl's name actually began with 'He', possibly 'Hel'.

Whatever her name was? Harry was pretty sure that the Young Avengers currently only had three female members - Nadia had been added to the original dossier in a recent addendum - and only one inhuman member. The blue girl was neither. So… who was she, and how had she ended up dating three superheroes? Or at least one superhero? Or maybe she at a minimum was a 'friend with benefits' who was looking for a relationship of her own. That would fit with her behavior the night before, Harry mused: she was quiet but not necessarily shy - a definite woman of few words - but had been the first one to approach him, remaining at his side the entire evening.

Yet more questions building up with absolutely no answers in sight. Sigh.

As his gaze finally left the bed to properly survey the rest of his surroundings, Harry realized three very important things in rapid succession. One: he was definitely in the quartet's room rather than having made it back to his own hotel, checking in, and dragging them up to his room. Because… two: Kate was a rich girl who evidently liked to travel in style; the bedroom alone was bigger than most hotel rooms that Harry had stayed in, and he could see not only a massive bathroom but an exercise room and some kind of study from his current vantage point. He was in a suite of some sort, and a fairly expansive suite at that. But he actually wasn't feeling the urge to go exploring at the moment because three: there was superhero stuff lying all over the disaster area of a bedroom that he was in.

One of Stature's red and black jumpsuits was thrown haphazardly across the nearby divan, while her distinctive helmet was nestled between the two orange pillows at the divan's head. The divan was bookended by a pair of large suitcases, one of which was the source of a trail of purple, black, and silver goodies that… Harry followed it through the bathroom and around the corner to find a massive walk-in closet where another of Stature's catsuit hung beside no less than three different Hawkeye costumes and two Wasp jumpsuits. Strangely enough, while he could spot casual clothes that definitely belonged to each of the three human girls - most of which had been dumped on the floor in a complete disregard for the expansive closet's intended purpose - Harry couldn't spot a single thing that clearly belonged to Reginna, be it either civilian or superheroic.

Suddenly, Harry realiezd that he was wandering around trying to get in touch with his inner Sherlock Holmes in regards to 'Reginna'… when he could be taking advantage of what was likely a once in a lifetime opportunity. After all, what were the odds that he'd ever be this close to superheroes' gear ever again? Making his way back into the bedroom, Harry picked Cassie's helmet and then tossed it end over end into the air, barely managing to catch it on the descent as he found himself captivated by light glinting off something on his fingers. Plural. There was a simple gold band around the ring finger of his left hand… and around his index finger, his middle, and his pinky to boot. It reminded him a bit of some of the more pretentious purebloods that he'd met while fulfilling his family's obligations to the Wizengamot, who chose to wear the rings of all the noble families for which they were representing. Except they were all very simple, plain, masculine bands. What in the world?

Access to his magiPhone abruptly going from a want to a need, Harry carefully set the helmet back down where he'd found it and began searching the room for… well, anything of his. But after nearly fifteen minutes of searching, Harry finally conceded defeat; if his clothes had made it as far as the bedroom, he couldn't find any trace of them. Making his way over to the one door that he hadn't explored yet, Harry poked his head out and found himself looking at a massive living area that was quite possibly as large as both floors of Number Four Privet Drive combined. There was a living room, a study tucked off to one corner, a dining room and kitchen beyond the living room…

…and resting on the coffee table situated in the middle of a massive, C-shaped earth toned sectional was a veritable florist's worth of red roses arranged haphazardly around a blue and white piece of paper. Slowly approaching the table, Harry bent down and picked up the paper, reasonably sure that he knew what it was and accordingly dreading the confirmation of his suspicions.

Trimmed in blue tones depicting the four suits of cards, the blocky letters spelling out 'STATE OF NEVADA MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE' erased any shadow of a doubt that he'd done something incredibly stupid the night before. He let his eyes drift down the page slowly even as his increasingly coherent memories of the night before began providing flashes of him wandering through a gorgeous chapel with his arm around Reginna's waist, followed by him standing in front of an altar with Reginna on his left and Cassie on his right. As a very green man in white robes joyously officiated the ceremony, Nadia had snuggled up against Cassie on her free side while Kate kept a slightly standoffish distance between herself and Reginna. And sure enough, the certificate celebrating 'joining them in wedlock' didn't stop after the pertinent details for just himself and one of the four girls.

Harry James Potter of Perranarworthal, State/Country of United Kingdom.

Helreginn Lokajardóttir of Hel, State/Country of Niflheimr.

Cassandra Eleanor Lang of New York, State/Country of New York.

Nadia Maria Pym of New York, State/Country of New York.

Katherine Beatrice Bishop of New York, State/Country of New York.

Huh. Well, at least he had a really big house waiting for him back in Cornwall that should be able to fit all five of them? And hey, he'd been right about the 'Hel' thing.


	2. When Kate Woke Up

Joe's Note: Here's something that I probably shouldn't have to openly state but I will before someone inevitably comments about it. Yes, the canonical _Harry Potter_ saga ended in 1998 - not counting the epilogue - and _Young Avengers_ debuted not too long after that. Even adding time for Cassie - the youngest canon member of the group - to reach majority would put the story in the middle of last decade. But it's not because… well, I like having smartphones exist. And iPads. Decent digital SLRs. Drones. Et cetera and so forth. So I've slid things forward into the modern day because let's be honest, none of you would really appreciate it as the 'period piece' it would become if I made a point of pegging this to a specific date in the mid to late 2000s, and then did the work to ensure that the characters only make date-accurate pop culture and technology references. Oh, and as implied above… all of the Young Avengers are eighteen or older in this story for moral and legal reasons. Cassie being barely so, as we're about to touch on.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

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Kate Bishop groaned as she drifted just far enough into wakefulness to be aware of her pounding headache and far too dry mouth. Letting out another groan, she turned her head just enough to bury her face in her pillow, keeping her eyes closed tight. After all, she knew from past experience that the light would only make things worse for her. Hindsight was a bitch, she mused: it was easy to realize that she'd drunk far too much the night before when she were suffering from the killer hangover that resulted. Not that hangovers were anything new to her, but Kate hadn't woken up feeling quite this bad in a long while. Not since she'd gotten into the chocolate rum her father brought home from one of his 'business trips'-slash-cruises to St. Thomas, if she recalled correctly. Although in her own defense, that one totally hadn't been her fault. It should be illegal to make liquor that tasted like hot chocolate and went down just as smoothly, leading her to drink an entire bottle in one sitting. Definitely not her fault, and that was her story and she was sticking to it.

As she looked back at the events that had led to her being in her current situation - or at least those memories made before the giant black spot that was the last few hours of the previous evening - Kate tried to figure out when everything had gone horribly wrong in her life. Things had started simply enough: she'd sat down to plan out a nice long weekend in Las Vegas for the team so that they could get away from the stress of being budding superheroes and relax for a bit. After the whole mess with the Kree and Skrull fighting over Teddy, Tommy managing to blow up most of the United Nations building, and the emergence of a group that seemed to be the Young Masters of Evil to their Young Avengers - and who'd managed to create an unholy amount of chaos despite their almost total lack of brains or brawn - one villain had followed another until it was nearly two years after Iron Lad had assembled his initial group to help him fight his adult self.

Now, between their spandex adventures and their 'real world' responsibilities, most of them were skating perilously close to the point of burnout and so when Cassie's eighteenth birthday had begun creeping closer on the calendar, Kate had jumped on it as the perfect excuse to get out of town and off her feet for a bit. Tommy and Eli had immediately begged off citing a prior commitment; something about tickets to a UFC bout, and since when did those two even tolerate each other outside of team business? Vision had likewise declined the offer, noting that he'd only draw attention to them when they were trying to relax and unwind. The other girls had been enthusiastic, though, and a rather unexpected bit of magic had allowed her to keep Air Billy as her airline of choice even after declaring it to be a 'girls' weekend'. So, meeting early on Sunday morning at the former Bishop Publishing warehouse, the four girls had joined Billy and Teddy in teleporting off to the Entertainment Capital of the World to see what they could see.

The sextet had spent most of Sunday and Monday prowling Las Vegas as a group, the majority of their time wasted wandering around the town sightseeing and doing typically touristy things. Monday had ended with Cassie's eighteenth birthday party, including a cake topped with the prototype for the Stature action figure that would be part of the upcoming series of Young Avengers toys… and boy did it feel nice to finally be getting their due in the merchandising department. As Tuesday dawned, they indulged in a bit more sightseeing as a group before Billy and Teddy had taken off to parts unknown for some 'them time'. Since none of them had been too keen on trying to tag along for that, it had left the four actual girls of the Young Avengers to try and find their own entertainment for the rest of the day.

The 'four girls' bit had been a secondary reason behind Kate's push to get the group away from the Big Apple for the weekend. While originally it'd just been her and Cassie representing the fairer sex on the team, that number had doubled over the past few months. First came Nadia Pym, the long lost daughter of Hank Pym by way of his first wife. The fact that he'd been married before Janet Pym had been news to Kate, much less the fact that he had a kid… but according to Nadia, it had been just as big a surprise to Hank when she showed up. With an intellect that rivaled Vision's despite being a human girl, plenty of tips and tricks that she could share with Cassie about their shared power set, and the backing of two of the founding Avengers? She'd quickly become an indispensable member of the team, both in the field and back at base. On a more personal note, her arrival had heralded the abrupt end of Kate's on-again, off-again friendship with benefits with Cassie, the younger blonde seeming content to allow history to repeat itself between a new generation of ant and wasp… but Kate hadn't exactly been in a position to give Cassie what she wanted, so it was all for the best in the end.

But while Nadia was a welcome addition to their team, their newest member was neither their choice nor anywhere near as valuable. But while the Unstoppable Wasp had been asked to join the team, the Young Avengers had picked up their ninth member when the adult Avengers exercised a clause in the team's operating charter that allowed them to place other up-and-coming superhumans on the team. And so despite the team's objections about not needing another new member while they were still getting used to Nadia, let alone one that didn't even know, Helreginn Lokajardóttir - Hela to them, Reginna during her occasional excursions outside the team's warehouse-slash-base - had entered their lives.

She still wasn't sure what to make of the girl. Girl. Hah. Even if she was currently trapped in a body that looked like it should be going to college with her, Kate was well aware that Helreginn was no mere girl. How could she be, when she still had most of the declarative memory of a woman who had been born back when Ptolemy the Sixth was conquering modern day Syria? Not that her lacking said memories would make her any less terrifying, Kate had quickly recognized, because at the end of the day her new teammate was still a jötunn, with all the benefits that came with that heritage. Oh, and on top of that? Being Loki's daughter had gifted her with phenomenal magical abilities… and if that wasn't enough, she held dominion over life and motherfucking death itself to boot.

How that hadn't instantly qualified Helreginn for membership in the full-blown Avengers, Kate hadn't been able to comprehend until after the first mission following the jötunn's arrival. While she'd been willing to teleport the team both ways and heal their various scrapes and bruises after the battle, during said battle? Absolutely nothing. Helreginn had just stood there, observing and occasionally offering advice. They'd asked her for help. Cajoled. Begged, even, at one point. She'd steadfastly refused. Upon their return to the warehouse, Helreginn had steadfastly weathered Eli's raging about how she'd put them all at risk by being so thoroughly and completely unhelpful… before calmly turning to Cassie and asking if she wanted to watch more _Orange is the New Black_. No, they didn't have a new teammate. The Avengers were using the team to socialize an emotionally stunted and friendless young woman whose mother wanted her to spend more time among 'her peers'. They were… they were jötunn sitters!

Not that Helreginn's mother was wholly absent from her newfound life on 'Midgard', because that would have been too easy for Kate and the others. Oh no, Loki Laufeyjardóttir - longtime Avengers foe, destroyer of Asgard, and herald of Ragnarök - had decided to pursue a new and different path for her twenty-sixth cycle, and was currently trying to get her picture placed next to the word 'MILF' in the dictionary. Not really, mostly because Vision had ruined Cassie's quip by pointing out that 'MILF' was not in fact listed in any legitimate dictionary currently being published. But the blonde hadn't been entirely inaccurate, either; Loki dropped by the warehouse irregularly but frequently as she made time for her daughter in between wandering the Big Apple, socializing with Janet Pym and her non-adventurer friends, and copious amounts of shopping.

The elder jötunn had even followed them to Vegas, popping up once a day or so to quiz the 'mortals' about one entertainment option or another before disappearing off to parts unknown once more. Strangely enough, she seemed inordinately fond of showgirls and the shark-filled aquarium at Mandalay Bay, but that was perfectly fine with Kate; the prospect of what a trickster goddess could get up to in Sin City if she truly applied herself was frightening. Although Kate could comfort herself with the knowledge that if Loki did get up to no good, it was neither her barrel nor her monkey; even with a goddess of their own on the team, Loki Gone Wild was an Avengers-level problem.

Helreginn, on the other hand, was definitely their problem. Or perhaps it was more appropriate to call her their responsibility; while the jötunn was generally on the reserved side, she was also polite, attentive, cooperative outside of battle, and genuinely curious to experience new things. It just annoyed Kate that the adults hadn't told her what she was really being volunteered for so that she could prepare adequately. She could have written up a syllabus or something; some sort of organized plan for how things would unfold. While she wasn't as anal retentive as Eli when it came to… well, anything in life, really… Kate still preferred to be as prepared for any given situation as she possibly could be. That policy had kept her alive for the last two years as the sole normal member of their team, and so she was going to stand by it until it failed her.

Suddenly, Kate's train of thought was derailed by the realization that she was cold. Very cold. Far, far too cold for someone who was lying under a sheet and comforter on a king-sized bed in a very nice hotel suite with the thermostat set to exactly sixty-nine degrees Fahrenheit because Cassie had been feeling childishly mischievous. Turning her head a bit, she cracked one eye open and then froze in a completely different way. While she couldn't say that she'd spared no expense on their Vegas vacation, Kate had booked the second-largest suite at the Mandarin Oriental along with the adjoining room to add a third bed. Nadia and Cassie had taken the suite's slightly smaller bedroom - politely leaving the bigger room for the girl who was paying for everything - with Billy and Teddy in the adjoining room. And so given that both of them tended to sleep like the dead on opposite sides of the California King bed, there should have been absolutely, positively no reason that she was waking up spooning Helreginn.

…could the sleeping like the dead thing be considered a pun, given Helreginn's usual occupation?

Kate grimaced faintly as she relaxed her grip on Helreginn's breasts, creating the same unpleasant sensation as pulling her hand away from metal on a cold day. Thankfully her unexpected bed companion didn't seem to be a possessive sleeper, mumbling softly in what Kate presumed was Asgardian before rolling onto her stomach. But before she could sit up, she became aware of a hand resting on her hip… when both of Helreginn's were clearly visible. Peering down, she found pale skin with expertly manicured black nails. Nadia? Glancing back over her shoulder confirmed it: she was in close quarters with Helreginn because both Nadia and Cassie were in her bed.

What the fuck had happened the night before?

"Oh good, I'm not the only one awake anymore. I was getting surprisingly bored for someone who has access to not only the Internet and a television, but high quality room service." Kate gave a start at the unexpected voice, craning her neck as her gaze slid down the intertwined bodies of two of her teammates to where an unfamiliar man was sitting in one of the chairs at the foot of the bed, his feet propped up on the end table. As her eyes widened at the sight of him, he offered a cheeky smile and a little wave in response. "Hello. Yes, I'm real. Yes, this is your room. Yes, you invited me back to it. Thank Merlin I managed to find my wand, because you lot somehow managed to make my clothes disappear last night."

Kate's mind abruptly filled with so many pertinent questions that she honestly couldn't decide which to ask first. Who was he? Why was he in their room? Why was he referencing Merlin? Why did he have a wand? Did he have something to do with why they were all in one bed? Then she realized that her body was aching in a decidedly familiar - and pleasant - way, and Kate blushed faintly as she crossed one of the questions off her growing list. Deciding to begin at the beginning, she opted to start with the overall simplest question first. Also, an answer would give her a name to use in questions to follow. "Who are you?"

While evidently too lazy to hop to his feet, the man offered the closest he could to a bow while still sitting down. "Harry Potter. Master of Death, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Man-Who-Liberated, et cetera and so forth. I'm sure you've heard of me through the wizard on your team?"

"The wiz… do you mean Billy? Because he goes by the name Wiccan, but he's not actually magical." Kate slowly sat up in bed, cocking her head to the side as she reconsidered the truthfulness of that statement. "Or rather, I think his mother has started teaching him the basics of sorcery, but that's kinda secondary to the fact that he's a mutant with the power to manipulate reality. In other words… no. I have no idea who you are, Harry Potter, Master of Death, et cetera and so forth."

Harry blinked at her owlishly for a few seconds before bringing his arm up so that his elbow was resting on the arm of the chair, his chin coming to rest in his palm as he stared at her with an almost petulant expression. "But I know all about at least three of you from work. Now everything's going to be weird and awkward, and the questioning will be distinctly one-sided. Bugger."

Watching as Harry levitated a shirt up off the floor before throwing it her way, Kate caught it with a grateful nod and quickly pulled it on. After all, just because he'd seen it all - and evidently gotten quite well acquainted with it - the night before didn't mean she had to keep it all on display. Moving to sit at the end of the bed, she looked from Harry to her companions and back before raising an eyebrow. "Let me guess. You know all about them thanks to… whatever your fancy magical job is… but I'm the odd one out because I'm the token normal girl?"

"Actually, Helreginn is the only one I don't know anything about. Well, the name gives away plenty; somehow I managed to meet and shag the Norse Goddess of Death." Harry offered a crooked smile before lifting his head, freeing up his hand so that he could point a finger at her. "But if you must know, out of all the members of the Young Avengers, you've got the singular most extensive dossier. Possibly because you have an uncanny ability to stumble over the magical parts of Manhattan and have been obliviated no less than sixteen times in the last few years. Which before you get mad about, I had nothing to do with. I work for the British Ministry of Magic outside of a few consulting gigs, not the MACUSA."

Presumably the MACUSA were whoever was responsible for obliviating her. And presumably the word meant what it sounded like, and was their method of erasing memories. Otherwise… well, she'd remember stumbling over magical enclaves in Manhattan. Or sixteen incidents of whatever obliviating was if it wasn't memory removal. "Okay, so then what, you're some sort of… magical government worker? Where do the fancy titles come into things?"

"You really don't have any idea who I am, do you? That's… actually rather refreshing. Although I just realized that I had two versions of this conversation laid out in my head, and neither of them takes that possibility into account. Also, I'm pretty sure that I've violated the Statute of Secrecy with you already." Pausing, Harry cocked his head to the side thoughtfully before wincing. "Technically, I think telling you that there is a Statute of Secrecy that I'm violating is a violation of the Statute of Secrecy. Wait. Ugh, I'm an idiot. Of course the statute wouldn't apply to you or the others, seeing as how you're my…"

Kate raised an eyebrow as Harry trailed off with a second wince, pointedly looking away from her. Rising from the edge of the bed, she made her way over to stand directly in front of Harry before crossing her arms over her chest. "We're your… what?"

Still pointedly refusing to meet her gaze, Harry reached up to scratch the back of his head as he reluctantly answered her. "The muggle family of a witch or wizard are exempted from the Statute of Secrecy for obvious reasons. Parents… siblings… and spouses. Which would cover all four of you girls after last night. Surprise?" Kate's jaw dropped but Harry continued on blithely, gesturing off in the direction of the living room. "I woke up an hour or so ago, grabbed some breakfast, and then hopped on my phone to do a little research. By the way, I owe you a few galleons for breakfast because my partner had all our muggle funds and I didn't think the Mandarin Oriental would take gold coins from the British wizarding world."

So that was why she smelled eggs and sausage. An idle corner of her mind reminded her that it was awfully rude of Harry to have ordered breakfast for himself without taking the rest of them into account, especially given that someone else - namely her - had paid for his meal… but the majority of her managed to remain focused on the matter at hand. Kate furrowed her brow as she realized that there was already a major flaw in Harry's explanation. "That's not even legal."

"That's what I thought! I mean, it is with a few restrictions in the wizarding world, but clearly we're not there. Then I hopped on my phone this morning and did a little digging." Finally meeting her eyes again, Harry unlocked his phone before holding it up for her inspection. Not that she took it; her hangover meant that her multitasking abilities were thoroughly shot at the moment. "I certainly hadn't before today… or technically last night… but I'm going to assume that you've heard of the Universal Church of Truth? They seem to be awfully popular in the muggle world." Kate offered a curt nod in reply; organized religion wasn't really her bag, but who hadn't heard of the increasingly popular extraterrestrial-backed church? "Well it turns out that when they set up shop here on Earth, they somehow negotiated that all marriages that they found fit to bless would be legally binding here too. Which evidently includes polygyny. Considering that my people don't legally recognize divorce? Guess who's now married to her three friends and a perfect stranger until death do us part?"

Without even meaning to, Kate's eyes dropped down to stare at her left hand. And sure enough, there was a ring on her finger. That finger. A very pretty gold ring set with one large diamond flanked by three smaller diamonds set in a triangular pattern around it, and it hadn't been there the last time she'd checked. "Oh, what the f-"


	3. When Kate Woke Me Up

Joe's Note: While I'd like to hope that everyone knows who the Young Avengers are - especially now that one of the founders has appeared in the Marvel Cinematic Universe - I'm also realistic enough to acknowledge that the material I'm working with is a bit esoteric even by comic book reader standards. Accordingly… Kate Bishop is somewhere between Green Arrow and Hawkeye: her superpower is her credit card, although she's a dab hand with a bow and several other weapons thanks to extensive training. Cassie Lang is literally running around in her father's suit until she gets her own, endowing her with the ability to grow and shrink. Nadia Pym… she's a ball of complexity that I could write pages about. Suffice to say, she's the recently introduced daughter of Hank Pym and his first wife and while she's never been a Young Avenger, I'm slotting her into the team based on her age and her decision to follow in her step-mother's footsteps, which ably positions her opposite Cassie for team dynamics. And then… well, you guys should be familiar with Hela from _Thor: Ragnarok_ , no? Oh, and if you're curious about the name? 'Hela' doesn't exist in Norse mythology; that's purely a Marvel creation. 'Hel' exists as both a person and a place, with 'Helreginn' - literally 'Ruler over Hel' - occasionally being used to differentiate the two. I thought it made sense to give my version of the character a name that could be given a mortal-friendly diminutive, and so Helreginn 'Reginna' Lokajardóttir was born.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Cassandra Lang wasn't what anyone could realistically consider a morning person. For her, the day didn't properly start until around noon and she had a thick stack of disciplinary notices for sleeping in class stuck to the fridge at home to prove it. Several supervillains - or, well, technically not-so-supervillains - had learned the hard way that it was ill-advised to commit a crime before noon because if Cassie had to get out of bed before she was damn well ready to? Well, there wasn't a term to properly describe the world of hurt that the villain was going to be in when the Young Avengers arrived. Accordingly, the blonde wasn't especially happy to be woken up by an exceedingly loud burst of profanity. Her mood quickly worsened as the noise spooked her into rolling over the side of bed, sending her plummeting to the floor with a thump.

Pushing herself upright with a soft groan, Cassie rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before looking around the room curiously. Helreginn had sat up in bed, her human visage sloughing away as she rose until she was in her full, blue-skinned jötunn glory. With her typical lack of modesty, she stretched languidly, utterly uncaring as the sheet slipped down around her waist. Nadia was still lying there next to her, her head resting on the pillow as she stared off into space with wide eyes and a 'why me?' expression on her face. And Kate… was wearing nothing but a t-shirt as she stood looming over a black-haired man who was sitting in the chair at the end of the bed? That made Helreginn's choice a bit more dubious… or maybe the goddess knew something that they didn't? "Okay, why the fuck are you swearing loudly at… I don't even know what time it is but I'm pretty sure I don't want to be awake at it. And why the fuck is there a guy in our room? Who the fuck are you?"

"I dare say that 'fuck' is exactly why I'm in your room." The guy seemed inordinately amused with himself even as Kate let out a groan of disgust, burying her face in her hands. Rising from his seat, he closed the distance between him and Cassie before offering her a hand up. "Well, that and the fact that I'm your husband."

Caught completely off-guard by his response, Cassie actually missed his hand on the first attempt, staring up at him in utter disbelief. On the second try, she managed to get her hand into his, letting him pull her to her feet as she continued to gape at him. She was idly aware of the sensation of air brushing over far too much bare skin, but ultimately dismissed her naked state as unimportant. Considering they were waking up naked together in a bed, and her body ached in a way that clearly stated that someone had gotten well acquainted with her bits and pieces the night before? She had bigger things to worry about than giving someone an encore presentation. "I may be hungover but my ears are working just fine, so let's skip the part where I have you repeat yourself and go straight to… proof?"

Shooting Cassie an approving look, the man released her and drew an honest to God magic wand, flicking it and summoning a very official-looking piece of paper to his other hand. "And I'm pretty sure that I just discovered who the Ravenclaw is in this strange new family of mine. Kate took me at my word and went straight to swearing about it; if that doesn't make her Gryffindor material, I don't know what does."

"I have no idea what the means but it seems complimentary enough so… thanks?"

"It's a method of sorting students from the school I went to. I'm a Gryffindor, which is the house that values courage, bravery, nerve, and chivalry. They also tend to be a bit brash and impulse." The guy gestured to himself and then Kate through his initial explanation before pointing in turn to Cassie. "Ravenclaws value intelligence, creativity, learning, and wit, while Hufflepuff is the house of the hard-working, just, and loyal. Slytherins value ambition, cunning, leadership, and resourcefulness. Which isn't to say that you can't possess qualities from more than one house, or even all of them. They just sort students by their strongest qualities to put them with other like-minded students while they're at school."

"Huh. Cool. Also, if you think I'm a Ravenclaw and not a Hufflepuff, boy do I have a surprise for you." Taking an unsteady step forward, Cassie plucked the piece of paper from her purported husband's unresisting fingers and ran her eyes over it quickly. Definitely a wedding certificate, definitely joining one Harry James Potter of a British town she couldn't pronounce to Helreginn Lokajardóttir in lawful wedlock… and the two of them to Cassandra Eleanor Lang, Nadia Maria Pym, and Katherine Beatrice Bishop. So in essence? Yes, Harry was in fact telling the truth about the situation at hand albeit a simplified version of it. Because while he was indeed Cassie's husband, he was also Kate's husband, Nadia's husband, and Hela's husband to boot. And Kate, Nadia, and Hela were likewise Cassie's wives too. "Huh. Not a lot of potential in that list. I can't even spell Lokajardóttir without help, and the Bishops spend enough time in the tabloids without me making things worse. Potter is just kinda… meh. Hey Nadia, what do you think of officially making an honest woman out of me? Hank and Janet Pym… Cassie and Nadia Pym… it's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Before Nadia could offer a reply, Harry rolled his eyes and scoffed derisively, pulling the marriage certificate out of Cassie's grip and folding it back up before sending it floating back over to land on the couch. "I can't personally do it, but the Noble and Most Ancient House of Potter can be traced back to the time of the Founders… err, roughly the turn of the last millennia for the non-magically inclined in here. I'm usually not the proud type, but there's nothing 'meh' about being a Potter."

Cassie waved dismissively before stepping around Harry, on the hunt for something to cover up with. "Of course you're going to say that. You're a Potter. Which is fine, I'm not making fun of you for being Harry Potter. I just have absolutely no desire to be Cassie Potter." It took her most of the way to the walk-in closet to find anything promising: her girlfriend's 'The Sting's the Thing' shirt from the official Van Dyne Fashions collection for the Wasp. Tugging it on, she found herself musing that it was one of a number of things that Nadia had over Kate: they were the same size, allowing Cassie to steal her richer and more fashionable girlfriend's clothes on a regular basis. "So, Nadia. Cassie Pym. How about it?"

"I think I'm far too hungover and naked to be participating in any sort of conversation." Grabbing one of the pillows off the bed, Nadia lamely hurled it in Harry and Kate's general direction, the pillow falling short to tumble across the floor and pass through the gap between them. "All of you can fuck the fuck off until I've had at least eight hours of sleep. Take this out into the living room or so help me God, I will hundred foot fist you all through an exterior wall."

Finally deciding to join the conversation, Helreginn let out a faint snort before running one hand through Nadia's hair with surprising tenderness. "And here I thought that Cassie was the member of the team who reacted the worst to being woken up early." Climbing out of bed, she quickly crossed the room and grabbed Harry by the hand, pulling the bemused-looking man along behind her as she made her way through the door and out into the living room. "Seeing as how she's the only one of us using the room for its intended purpose, though… Kate. Cassie. Join us."

Cassie circled around the bed and peered through the doorway, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Helreginn pushing Harry down into an armchair before curling up on his lap. "You, uh, gonna get dressed sometime today? Miss Magical Girl who can summon literally anything she could possibly want to wear with a single thought?"

"I dare say that by the time Harry fell asleep last night, he had thoroughly surveyed all of my previously unexplored depths. Isn't modesty a bit late in coming at this point?" When Cassie's eyes bugged out a bit in response, Helreginn offered a very put-upon sounding sigh before concentrating for a moment and summoning up a black camisole and some sleep shorts to cover her nakedness. "Better?"

Shifting her a bit on his lap so that he could get a better view of her face, Harry raised an eyebrow. "I have no idea what that was, but I'm thoroughly intrigued by it. And is she being literal? Can you conjure anything at all that you want? Because I'm limited by visualization, so not only do I have to be able to picture it to replicate it but the quality of my job is connected to how well I know something. Is that a jötunn thing, or a goddess thing, or an Asgardian thing..?"

Helreginn twisted her head back to watch as Cassie and Kate entered the room, closing the bedroom door behind them, before lazily hurling blobs of green eldritch energy at them. First Kate and then Cassie found herself gifted with pajama pants that were color coordinated to match the t-shirt they were wearing… leaving Helreginn as the only one who was wearing something flattering. In a room with their new husband. Clever girl. "To be honest, I'm not sure where I get the ability from. If you'd be willing to wait until Amora is reincarnated for this cycle, we could easily ask her; given that my mother is also a member of all three categories, I doubt she'd be able to answer it any more easily than I can."

As Harry appeared to process that - and then pulled a phone out of somewhere to look something up - Kate and Cassie cautiously made their way over to sit on the nearby couch. After exchanging uncertain looks, Cassie decided to try and keep the conversation flowing. "So just out of curiosity, if we did stay married and I became Cassie Pym and all… where would that leave us in regards to you? Co-queens of Niflheimr, princesses of Niflheimr, semi-regular guests of the queen of Niflheimr… how does this work?"

"If he's genuinely interested in helping me run my realm, I would most definitely be willing to bestow the title of king upon Harry." Helreginn turned and graced Harry with an almost worshipful look for a moment, waiting for him to look up from his phone and offer a non-committal shrug in response before returning her gaze to Cassie. "But at least until Iðunn - or possibly Amora - reincarnates, I'd be considerably more reluctant to bestow any sort of title related to my realm upon a mere mortal. I'm sure you understand, Cassie?"

…yeah, being a mortal queen - or princess, or maybe a duchess or marchioness - of a death goddess's realm could lead to some awkward conflicts of interest when Cassie inevitably went from being royalty to subject at some point. At the same time, that raised an important question. "But then why would you offer to let Harry be king with you?"

Helreginn blinked owlishly at the question, her gaze bouncing back and forth between Cassie and Harry several times with slowly increasing incredulity before finally coming to rest on Harry. "Simple. Because unlike the rest of you, he's not a mortal. Which makes me curious what you were drinking last night, Harry, because you were the only thing I could find that was capable of intoxicating me."

Holy shit, Helreginn knew how to flirt? Because it sounded to Cassie like she was. A bit awkwardly, but flirting nonetheless. Harry seemed to agree, a bemused little smile on his lips as he regarded the teenage death goddess. "I may be the Master of Death, but while age may never catch up with me? And I emphasize 'may' because I'm still not entirely sure that I've stopped aging yet? Alcohol definitely does. As you saw last night." Pausing, he cocked his head to the side. "You know, my current situation puts a whole new spin on that title, doesn't it?"

"It's the main reason that I approached you."

"Oh, so it wasn't my looks, my bravery, or my noble nature then? Possibly the 'saving people thing' that Hermione is always going on about, or the almost oppressive level of wealth?"

"What makes you the Master of Death?" The question emerged simultaneously from both Cassie and Kate, who then proceeded to gesture to each other in almost perfect synchronicity. "What she said."

"To make a long story exceedingly short? Death herself created three formidable enchanted items and gifted them to the brothers Peverell: an unbeatable wand, a stone that could summon the spirits of the dead, and a cloak that would render a person completely invisible even to Death. If they were ever combined, they would confer so much power upon that single user that they would essentially become the Master of Death." Helreginn ran her fingers along Harry's forearm, coaxing his wand out of wherever it was hiding before turning her attention to the neckline of his shirt. After pulling a simple silver chain with a black stone pendant out into plain sight, she frowned and looked around uncertainly. "I sense the cloak somewhere nearby, although now that you have assumed your mantle, you can never truly be separated from it."

Looking around curiously, Harry hummed softly before drawing his wand. "Which means that the bag Hermione charmed for me is around here somewhere because that's where I tend to keep it. It's a great cloak, but a lot of people find it uncomfortable to talk to a wizard with no body. _Accio_ rucksack." The dark-haired man winced faintly as there were a series of crashes before the bag came flying through the living room wall, leaving a gaping hole in its wake. "I can fix all of that, I promise. But to satisfy Helreginn's curiosity… the cloak." Opening the bag, he shoved his arm in up to the shoulder and rooted around for a few seconds before pulling out a silvery cloak. As promised, when he wrapped the cloak around Helreginn's body, every last inch of covered skin disappeared from view, leaving Kate and Cassie staring through her at an amused looking Harry. Turning to Kate, Cassie raised an eyebrow before nodding in Harry's direction, and quickly received an answering nod: with something like that on their team, they'd be able to sneak up on any criminal and disarm him without a fight. Hell, Harry could probably use magic to defuse most situations before they even escalated into a fight! While they obviously wouldn't want to stay married to him - save for perhaps Helreginn, who seemed genuinely enamored with the guy - maybe they could turn him into a new teammate. "To be honest, I didn't even know what the Hallows were until I had them all in my possession after the war was over. At that point, I decided that if I couldn't trust myself with that kind of power then I certainly couldn't trust anyone else with it… and so here we are."

As Cassie filed the mention of a war away - along with a dozen other things - for later conversations, Helreginn slid the cloak down off of her shoulders, letting it pool around her waist as she grabbed a handful of Harry's shirt. "I'm very glad that you did." Then she gave a tug, pulling the surprised man in for a kiss. And not just a quick peck on the lips, either; full on tangling her other hand in Harry's hair, using her tongue to check whether or not the man still had his tonsils sort of action. But while Cassie didn't exactly mind the free show, she wasn't sure what it had to do with anything… until she noticed Helreginn's lower body being outlined by the rime spreading across the otherwise invisible cloak, and the blue-grey tinge of acute frostbite spreading over Harry's face. After a few more seconds of passionate kissing, Helreginn released Harry and leaned back, licking her lips slowly. "I can think of far worse masters to have."

"I appreciate you wanting to make a point to the others about me being something more than mere human, but in the future could you perhaps… not?" Harry grimaced as he cracked his neck, his flesh quickly healing itself back to pale perfection before Cassie's awestruck eyes. She'd been unfortunate enough to suffer from Helreginn's unchecked touch a time or two by accidents, and the results had stayed with her for days or weeks. Harry had to have like… Wolverine levels of healing as part of whatever made him immortal. So. Cool. "Just because I can't be killed doesn't mean that I don't feel pain. Frostbite is particularly unpleasant, both to experience and to feel myself healing from."

Still looking indelibly smug, Helreginn slid off of his lap and leaned down to press a second - quicker and less chilling - kiss to Harry's upturned lips. "Less attempting to make a point and more… glorying in the incredible specimen that I've managed to bond myself to."

Harry chuckled softly, reaching up with one hand to run his knuckles over Helreginn's cheek before cupping it in his hand. "Flattery will get you many things, Helreginn, but permission to give me frostbite again isn't one of them."

Watching as Helreginn gently pooled the cloak in Harry's lap before kissing him again and wandering back toward the bedroom, Cassie's lips quirked upward in a smile. "So, I guess we found the one person who's not going to be asking for an annulment before we leave Vegas, huh?" That made Harry wince and Kate cross her arms over her chest as she leveled a pointed look at the wizard, leaving Cassie wondering… "What did I say?"

"The wizarding world actually allows polygamy, so even if the Universal Church of Truth hadn't blessed the ceremony under its unique mandate, it would still be legal." Harry let out an awkward chuckle, slowly repacking his cloak into his bag and hiding his strange necklace as he talked. "The problem with all this being that because it's a legal marriage in my people's eyes, we'll be bound under all their laws. Including their utter lack of divorce. In the wizarding world, it's perfectly acceptable for spouses to have separate bedrooms or even entirely separate houses, and cheating is far too common. But there's no divorce, which in turn means no marrying someone else down the line. Till death do us part."

Slowly cocking her head to one side, Cassie eyed Harry oddly. "Just out of curiosity, you heal really fast but what happens if someone does enough damage to kill you? You actually die, right? And then just come back from that injury?"

Harry nodded slowly, staring at her with an uncomprehending look. "Yes, but what does that have to do with…" Then comprehension dawned, and he grimaced before shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Oh. I see. I mean, if you're really that intent on making your escape, I suppose we could try that and see what happens. Although I'd prefer to be poisoned or maybe have you talk a fellow wizard into using the Killing Curse on me. If I've got to go, I'd like it to be clean."

Breezing back into the room, Helreginn scowled and cuffed Cassie upside the head before moving to sit on the arm of Harry's chair. "If you're that eager to exercise the 'till death' clause of our marriage, Cassie, I can easily arrange it for you." Sitting up a bit straighter, Cassie shook her head vehemently. She wasn't even necessarily against the marriage in the first place; Harry was cute enough and seemed nice enough so far. Granted she'd always dreamed of getting married in a way a bit more romantic - or failing that, dignified - than a drunken mistake in Vegas… but they could always have a second civil ceremony at some point down the line. Before she could voice her thoughts, though, Helreginn turned to Harry. "I've become quite fond of showers since arriving on Midgard, and this one is easily large enough for the two of us. We both should get clean, there are a great many things left for us to discuss…"

"I'd never really believed in that whole saying of 'an offer you can't refuse' and yet… here we are." Rising to his feet, Harry offered his hand to Helreginn, waiting for the jötunn to take it before looking Cassie in the eye and nodding in the direction of the bathroom. "Like I said earlier, you're definitely the Ravenclaw of the family. And I'm pretty sure that if the jötunn managed to work up a sweat last night, so did you. I poked my head into the bathroom earlier while looking around; that shower is huge. Don't suppose you're interested in coming along to join in the question and answer session?"

Cassie managed to restrain her initial reaction to a faint squeak and a dark blush before shaking her head again just as rapidly. "I think I've got plenty to talk over with my girlfriend. And my ex-girlfriend. Thanks, though." Harry's brow arched as he looked like he wanted to comment on her choice of terms, before ultimately thinking better of it and shrugging before leading Helreginn away. As the bathroom door closed behind their softly conversing figures, Cassie turned to the brunette who had roundly rebuffed her attempts to be more than just friends with benefits… and who was now her wife. "So. Kate. How's that 'not looking for anything serious' schtick working out for you?"


	4. Obligatory Exposition

Joe's Note: Given that there's both a time skip and a universe revision in place here - the former from the end of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ and the latter to the overall structure of Earth-616 - it's relatively necessary to include some degree of exposition in this story. Like in the iterations of _Trigamy_ , I'm going to keep it structured over a series of three chapters: one to flesh out Harry and Helreginn's respective stories and perspectives, and then one where Harry has an exchange with his three mortal paramours. In between, we'll find out what Hermione has been up to both in terms of the night before and the past few years. We'll also touch on a few other players over the next two chapters: Billy Kaplan, Teddy Altman, and Hank and Janet Pym. Then and only then will everyone get dumped into a room together to enjoy the chaos. Hopefully you'll stick with me that far, because it should be hilarious. Especially when Harry and Hermione find out about the other's respective playmate. Singular, because I can assure you that Hermione will be primarily focused on one and only one of Harry's new wives.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Making his way into the bathroom with Helreginn, Harry let out a low whistle as he found himself struck once again by the sheer opulence of his surroundings. At least in terms of a bathroom; the overall suite wasn't anything really spectacular from his perspective, especially now that the elves had cleaned up the wreck he'd inherited for Potter Manor. But while he'd enjoyed the prefect's bath a few times at Hogwarts, he most definitely wasn't used to a private bathroom quite so ornate… and the sheer size was something too. In a setting where square footage was at a premium, he definitely hadn't been expecting a room over half the size of the bedroom. Muggles, he thought with a fond shake of his head, were always finding ways to surprise him.

While the shower was just as large as he'd told Cassie it was, Harry found his eye gravitating toward the bathtub. If they were going to be having any sort of deep conversation while getting clean, wouldn't a relaxing bath be better for it? Before he could open his mouth and offer that suggestion, Helreginn pulled away from him, vanishing all of her clothing with a casual flick of her wrist as she opened the shower door and began exchanging the bottles sitting in the shower niche for an equal number on the expansive bathroom counter. Once that was done, she twisted the faucet until water began pouring from the shower head, and then Helreginn made a beckoning gesture as she stepped under the spray. Almost immediately, there was a soft tinkling sound as water cascaded over her body only to have solidified into ice by the time it reached the tiled floor, and Harry sighed. "Is that really necessary?"

Helreginn did her best to look innocent as she turned back to face him, stretching her arms out toward him and beckoning invitingly. "Why shouldn't I try to take advantage of having one partner who can I truly be myself around?"

"We did cover the part where I still feel pain, right? Including from extreme cold?"

"You've always been the self-deprecating type. I thought you were just putting on a show for the mortals in the room." With a put upon sigh, Helreginn shifted back into the human visage that he'd seen part of earlier when she'd been asleep, the sleety mess at the bottom of the shower stall instantly melting away as the temperature rapidly rose. "Very well."

Stripping out of his hastily conjured clothes and placing his wand on the counter for safekeeping, Harry stepped into the shower before stretching one hand out to brush over Helreginn's arm gently. "Are my only two choices either human or blue but terrifyingly painful to the touch? Because I'm actually a big fan of your jötunn look. You might be literally the prettiest magical sentient that I've ever met, and I've met my fair share. I just have a little something against literally freezing to another death because I'm in the mood to put my hands on you."

A bit more hesitantly than earlier, Helreginn let her human facade melt away again to reveal her true form as she peered up at Harry almost timidly with blood red eyes. "I guess I've grown far too accustomed to living in a society where Asgardian beauty standards reign, and I am decidedly… not."

Harry took a step closer, bringing his hands up to cup her face as his thumbs traced the grooves on her cheeks. "While it's probably a roundly terrible idea to ever play favorites when you're polygamous, if I can be completely honest with you? Like this, you're easily the most beautiful out of the four of you. Your human form seems like a poor imitation of Nadia's look, but like this? You're just… glorious." Leaning in, he pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Never be afraid to be yourself with me. Ever."

"I must admit that I'm a bit surprised by you." Turning them so that Harry's body was between herself and the shower head, Helreginn smiled up at Harry as she nuzzled her face against one hand and then the other. "You're much more romantic than your relationship with Ginevra would have lead me to believe."

While it wasn't the first time that she'd implied she knew about his life before he'd met her, it was the most easily addressable and so Harry decided to take the opportunity he was being handed. "You've been watching me, then, have you?"

Even as Helreginn blushed a slightly darker shade of blue, she met Harry's amused gaze unflinchingly and nodded in assent. "There are precious few individuals in this universe who are capable of truly standing beside someone like me in their own right. Hades may have Persephone but I've been all too alone for the past millennia, and I was starting to worry that I might never meet my other half. Or worse yet, that I might attract a thoroughly unsuitable admirer like that fool Thanos who continues to doggedly pursue my mistress. So I won't lie to you: yes, as soon as you became such an individual, of course you attracted my attention. And I was incredibly impressed by what I saw."

Deciding to take Helreginn at face value about the reason for needing to take a shower, Harry reluctantly let his hands fall away from her face before reaching out to grab a bottle of shampoo sitting in a niche in the wall. He gestured for Helreginn to turn away from him, pausing for a moment as he found himself confronted by her sinuous blue tail before ultimately shrugging and gently guiding it to pass between his legs as he stood behind her. Squirting a bit of shampoo into his hand, he began working it into her long black hair as she let out a soft noise of approval. "If you've been watching since I became the Master of Death, I have no idea what you've been so impressed by. By that point, I was back to normal life for my makeup year at Hogwarts. You've seen… what? Some schooling? Some auror training? Hermione and I going on missions? My relationship with Ginny failing?"

"On the contrary, Harry. What I've seen is a young man trying to live through a tomorrow that he never planned for because of the impossible odds that he faced." Reaching back, Helreginn grabbed Harry by the hips and pulled him flush against her back, leaning her head on his shoulder and looking up at him as her tail wrapped around one of his legs to keep him in place. "I've watched that man put himself in harm's way heedlessly to help your fellow man not because he can't be harmed, but because he would gladly sacrifice himself for his ideals. He's devoted himself to a higher ideal than most in his situation would, and I say that with some degree of certainty as a woman who's watched many people grasp at power beyond their ken."

Harry chuckled softly as he angled his body, letting the water flow over the back of Helreginn's head and rinse her hair clean before slipping back into position behind her. "Well when you put it like that, I do sound like an awfully good partner, don't I? Although now I'm dying to hear your perspective on what happened between me and Ginny."

Reaching to her right, Helreginn grabbed the bottle of conditioner and passed it to Harry before ducking her head a bit as she waited for him to work it into her flowing black mane. "The qualities that Ginevra took exception to are the very qualities that I find attractive in you. She left because you would not be who she thought you should be; who you genuinely are is the reason why I approached you and entered into this union gladly."

"Yeah, about that." Harry squirted a dollop of conditioner into his hand before setting the bottle aside, carefully working from root to tip as best he could to evenly distribute the conditioner. While something like showering together was a bit too mundane for Ginny to appreciate, she'd indulged him a few times and he'd been a quick learner when she gave him instructions. "Seeing as how you were evidently sober… what the hell happened last night? Did you figure that you might as well take advantage of your master being drunk to get him to put a ring on your finger?"

"You don't seem terribly upset with the outcome, whatever my reasons."

"Are you kidding me? I had like, a solid half an hour of freaking out in between when I found the marriage certificate and when Kate woke up. But then I got over because… well, two reasons really." There was a bottle of vanilla body wash with a jet black loofa looped over the neck; while the latter wasn't as familiar to Harry, it wasn't hard for him to figure out. Working the body wash into a lather, he began rubbing it up one arm, across her shoulders, and then down the other arm. "One: radical acceptance. One of the things that the psychologist Hermione talked me into seeing drilled into my head was learning to accept things that are beyond my power to change. I'm married and can't divorce. Short of going on a murder spree, nothing can change that. So I did my best to accept it and move on."

Nodding in assent, Helreginn chuckled softly as she grabbed at Harry's hands with her own, wrapping his left arm around her waist so his hand rested on her stomach even as she brought the right hand up to her chest. He blinked a few times before taking the invitation for what it was and continuing to wash her; even if the move had been sexual in intent, as she'd noted earlier… they were a bit beyond basic modesty at this point, weren't they? "I appreciate you for not killing me to preserve your bachelorhood, yes. Although I'm a bit surprised that Cassie of all people raised that prospect. Her only other romantic option is a time traveling robot. You'd think that she of all people would want to cling to what she can get."

Harry let out a faint snort as he gently scrubbed Helreginn's breasts… and then scrubbed them more… and then continued to scrub them. She shot a bemused look back over her shoulder at him, and he offered a sheepish shrug. "I might be a halfway decent man, but I'm still a man. Not sure how I feel about being Cassie's lesser evil, though."

"She'll come to know you as I have, and then she'll realize that you're a much more worthy partner than Vision ever could be." Grinning wickedly, Helreginn slowly guided his left hand up to rest on one of her now thoroughly cleaned breasts before guiding the hand holding the loofa down to between her legs. "You mentioned that there were two reasons why you stopped panicking over your situation?"

Again taking the invitation for what it was, Harry nodded as he began to gently run his hand back and forth over her skin, more intent on teasing her than actually getting her clean. "It's like you said: very few people can stand beside you as an equal. You don't think I haven't realized the same? Hermione keeps trying to convince me that maybe being Master of Death is just a myth and that I'm not visibly aging because most of us don't at this age. Except I've hidden how fast I heal from her. Killing blows become near misses and me being really good with healing charms that she doesn't remember that I don't know. So when I woke up married to a bonafide Norse goddess… I could remember enough to know that you were a good person. That we got along. And so I stopped panicking because out of this entire mess, I've found someone who I can be with for as long as I exist. Maybe longer, if I don't go out in a blaze of glory and go to Niflheimr instead of Valhalla. That's how that works, right?"

Helreginn let out a soft moan before grinding her ass back into Harry, her tail clenching and relaxing around his leg as she bit her lip and stared up at him. "Is a lesson on practical Norse cosmology really what you're looking for at the moment, Harry?"

"You, uh, up for a shag then?"

"By the All-Father, yes."

* * *

Emerging from the bathroom, Jenny Altman scowled as she padded over to the bed, tugging at the back of her panties all the while. She could never quite tell what the problem was: were they supposed to feel like this and she wasn't used to it because she had worn more conservative underwear in the past when shifted into a female form, or had she grown her ass too big for her panties again? She looked over at where her boyfriend-turned-girlfriend was holding up two different pairs of earrings as she looked back and forth between them. She hadn't seen Anya having such problems so far on this vacation… which was a little weird when Jenny thought about it. Sighing, she looked down at the t-shirt and skirt laying on the bed waiting for her. "Remind me again why Jenny and Anya came along for the weekend instead of Teddy and Billy?"

Without looking away from where she was debating between pentacle earrings and a pair of ruby pendants, Anya Kaplan responded to her boyfriend's query. "Well for one, how many men did you see in the audience of American Storm or Thunder from Down Under?" Jenny blinked; why the hell would she have been paying attention to fellow audience members at two of Vegas's best all-male reviews? "We might be living in a post-DOMA world, but that doesn't mean that this country isn't at least forty percent still shitty. I deal with them all the time back home, and I for one refuse to deal with them while on vacation. Secondly, you told me that you used to do this and what better place to satisfy my curiosity about it than where what happens stays? Besides, you've turned into a girl before. To make guys like you, if I remember correctly. So if anyone should be complaining about feeling weird like this, it's me." Anya finally looked up from her jewelry options, arching a slender black brow imperiously as she stared up at Jenny. "Am I complaining, Jenny?"

"Well no, but-"

"Then should you be complaining, Jenny?"

"I guess not, but-"

"Alright then." Selecting the pair of pentacle earrings in her left hand, Anya placed the other earrings on the desk and began the delicate process of putting them on. Jenny was mildly impressed; Anya had actually managed to shift into a form with pierced ears, while Jenny usually just pushed them through her ear and then let her enhanced healing take care of repairing things. "Finally and most importantly, after the other boys backed out, it went from a 'team weekend' to a 'girls' weekend'. Even if I hadn't been curious about being a member of the fairer sex, for an all-expense-paid, two week long Vegas vacation? I would have made myself curious." After securing a red and black choker around her neck, Anya stood up and ran her fingers through her mane of long black curls before gesturing to her body. "There. How do I look?"

Jenny stared at Anya in helpless confusion, not having any clue what the right answer to that question might be. She didn't look at girls. Well, she obviously looked at them because otherwise she'd constantly be running in to half the population of the planet, but it wasn't like she'd ever considered them on an attractiveness level or even an aesthetic one, and so she had no way of judging whether or not Anya looked pretty today or was a train wreck on two legs. "Erm… like a girl?"

Whatever the right answer was, judging by the withering glare Anya shot her, that wasn't it. "You're so helpful sometimes. Anyways, hurry up and get dressed. While you were in the shower, I shot a few messages at the rest of the group, and even tried calling each of their phones. Kate read the messages but didn't respond, and didn't pick up when I called a few minutes later. Cassie and Nadia haven't even bothered to pick up their phones yet. Cassie, of all people. I've heard people moving around and some talking, too. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm starting to get worried."

Offering a little salute followed by a sarcastic eye roll, Jenny tugged on the purple t-shirt before tossing the black and purple tartan skirt on the floor so she could pull it up her legs. Inwardly, though, she was analyzing and then rejecting Anya's worries. Granted she didn't know Helreginn very well because the taciturn girl seemed to only really open up to Cassie, but the jötunn was with Cassie. And Nadia, for that matter. And both of them were with Kate, who was - save for a few select instances - the poster child for careful analysis and responsibility. How much trouble could the quartet possibly have gotten themselves into?

* * *

Sitting up in bed as he used his tablet to scroll through the messages compiled by Jocasta for his perusal, Hank Pym raised an eyebrow at the sight of several all including the phrase 'network capture - Nadia Pym' in the subject line. Even when he wasn't actively involving himself in the life of his recently discovered daughter, his trusty AI companion did her best to keep an eye on Nadia and make sure that she stayed out of trouble. Transfers to keep her from overdrafting her bank account, leveraging Hank's name and network of favors to smooth over minor incidents with law enforcement agencies, that sort of thing. Sometimes, though, things occurred that were beyond her ability to intercede in, at which point she notified him so that he could involve himself as he deemed fit.

Evidently, someone couldn't be trusted to run around Vegas with only her fellow Young Avengers for supervision.

Although to be fair, there were several members of the full-fledged Avengers team that Hank wouldn't trust to keep an eye on his twenty-year-old daughter if the need arose.

Hank hummed softly to himself as he began sifting through the notices awaiting his attention. Several instances of Nadia being caught on CCTV camera using her powers to fight crime, although one of them was far sloppier than the rest. Looked like he needed to sit down and have a discussion with her about why it was a terrible idea to drink and manipulate one's height. Either that, or something had happened later in the day that had thrown her off her game badly and he needed to have a completely separate talk with Nadia about why it was dangerous to go out fighting crime when her mind was preoccupied with other things. After that came a few emails shot back and forth between the security staff of two casinos that she had frequented, wondering at her suspiciously good luck at table games but unable to find proof of cheating. And finally…

Letting out a choked laugh of disbelief, Hank scrolled from the top to the bottom of the last data point of what had evidently been a very interesting evening for his daughter, then doubled back to scrutinize the page more carefully. His daughter… had gotten married. At the alien-backed Universal Church of Truth. To not just her wonderful girlfriend Cassie - although at least she'd managed to tie the knot with one person Hank approved of - but also the two other female members of her team… and one man who was utterly unfamiliar to Hank.

The fact that there were over seven billion people walking the planet at the moment meant that such an occurrence wasn't necessarily cause for concern, of course. The fact that his only child had gotten married to someone who practically didn't exist as best Jocasta could tell, on the other hand, was considerably more alarming. While Harry James Potter didn't have a criminal record across any database that Jocasta could access, he was also missing a number of equally important things. A driver's license. A passport. Any form of credit utilization. Any education beyond that of pri… elementary school. For someone who was used to gathering all the available data before making an educated decision? The gaps were practically maddening to Hank. Who was Harry Potter? What could he possibly want with any of these young women? What did he want with his daughter?

Breezing back into the bedroom, the far more ambitious - and therefore showered and dressed - Janet took a sip from her lunchtime protein shake before leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head. "Planning on getting out of bed sometime today?" Before Hank could answer, her gaze drifted down to his tablet and she let out a low whistle. "Wow. Looks like your daughter had a big night last night."

Hank glanced back down at the marriage certificate still prominently displayed on the tablet, nodded in agreement, and then furrowed his brow as he looked up at Janet in askance. "Wait a second. Why is she suddenly 'my' daughter whenever she does something wrong?"

"Hank?" Janet stared down at him uncomprehendingly, gesturing to her hips with her free hand. "Last time I checked, she didn't come out of here. She's your daughter with your ex-wife. Who you fathered before you and I ever met. While I don't mind her using 'mom' instead of 'step-mom' for me… she's literally never actually my daughter."

"Even when she acts like you?"

"Especially when she acts like me."

That didn't seem fair to Hank. That didn't seem fair at all.


	5. …Something Completely Different

Joe's Note: While I was far less secretive about who Harry's traveling partner was compared to Xander's companion in _Trigamy_ , it's finally come time to catch up with Hermione and find out what she got up to while Harry was getting wasted and marrying four different superheroines. Well, three superheroines and Helreginn, if you want to get technical. Since the information has been publicly tagged as part of the story info, it's not really a spoiler to reveal that Hermione… was up all night to get Loki. I actually set up a poll for exactly who Hermione hooked up with, and Hermione/Loki/Amora beat out both solely Hermione/Loki and Hermione/Loki/Sif as potential pairing options. Given where Loki's female form came from, I was personally rooting for the Loki/Sif partner option just to write Hermione's reaction to waking up to find herself sandwiched between twins with bodies that are out of this world… but alas. It wasn't meant to be, I guess.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Hermione Granger knew before she even opened her eyes that the last thing she wanted to do was open her eyes. Mostly because she'd awoken to the unpleasantly familiar sense of foreboding that had greeted her on September 1st all those years ago, and when she'd woken up on the final days of both her OWL and NEWT testing. And quite obviously on the morning of the Battle of Hogwarts, where it had borne itself out when she lost part of her left arm during the climax of the battle. It was an utterly unquantifiable but intrinsically unsettling feeling that once she opened her eyes, the day ahead would alter her life in some world-shaking way that her experiences up until that point had yet to fully prepare her for. That it was time to pass from one chapter of her life into another. And given that those days seem to be evenly split between her life changing for the better and the worse, it left Hermione understandably reluctant to open her eyes and find out which kind of day it was going to be.

Except now that she was even partially aware of her surroundings, falling back into Morpheus's embrace quickly proved utterly impossible. One side of her body was almost unbearably hot while the other was frightfully cold, the sensations overlapping to form a thin temperate strip running directly down the middle of her body. It was a strange combination of sensations that Hermione couldn't come up with a suitable explanation for and so she was forced to open her eyes to gather more data. But after looking down at her body, glancing to her left, glancing to her right, and then finally returning her attention to her body… she found herself even more confused than she'd been immediately upon awakening.

She was pinned to the bed between two naked women, neither of them human.

Or at least she was assuming they were naked, given that they were at a minimum topless and she herself was naked. The one who was currently making her skin goose pimple had icy blue skin adorned with a pattern of swirling grooves, pointed ears, and pitch black hair. On her other side lay a woman who - save from by all appearances was made of cooling lava, which explained why the spots where her body met Hermione's were flushed an angry red and sweating as if she were outside in the middle of a summer heat wave. Given that both women were easily a foot taller than her? Hermione was going to go out on a limb and theorize that she'd made the acquaintance of a pair of jötnar: specifically, a frost giant and a fire giant.

She still wasn't quite clear on what had happened the night before to bring her to the situation that she was presently in. Racking her brain, she found that she could only manage to pull together an unacceptably scattered recounting of the previous night. She'd started things out by wandering Vegas with Harry, which inevitably led to them exploring a casino. Which had just as inevitably led to showgirls, because Harry might have been a generally noble person… but he was still male. She'd started drinking to try and make Harry's stubborn choice of entertainment a bit more tolerable, and then wandered off when even that failed. Gambled a bit more, sheerly for lack of anything better to do while drunk and stuck at a casino. Met an intriguing pair of women over a game of poker. Cleaned them both out. Drunk a bit more. Danced with the women. Drunk even more. And then… her memories failed her. Although given that she was waking up aching and naked in someone's bed, she could hazard a guess as to what had happened in those missing hours.

But on the other hand… while the two women had obviously been interesting company, why she'd felt the need to make their acquaintance in the Biblical sense, Hermione had absolutely no idea. Or on as much of an other hand as an amputee like her could have things. "What in Merlin's name did I do last night?" It was a bit of a rhetorical question; given her current state of undress and the way her body ached, she had more than a passing idea of what she'd gotten up to with the pair of women the night before. But given that it was in fact rhetorical, she found herself caught off-guard by having it answered.

Eyes cracking open, the frost giant regarded her with obvious amusement before stretching languidly, the movement rubbing her curvy body against Hermione's a bit more firmly. "Well, Hermione, when a goddess and a witch find each other very attractive…"

Hermione let out a put upon sigh before shaking her head. Both at the words and at the inherent egotism of her bedmate referring to herself as a goddess. Honestly, someone who was aware that she was a witch should know that she wouldn't be impressed by exotic ancestry or magical prowess. "Yes, well, that's the rub here. Last time I checked, I didn't find women attractive. At all. Ever."

"Then you did a remarkable job of faking it last night. You definitely fooled me, and that's not easy to do."

"You and and your fiery friend both, apparently, judging by the fact that I woke up to a full bed."

"In the words of a particularly amusing mortal that I know, perhaps you're a bit like spaghetti then: straight until we get you wet?"

"The problem with that adage is the assumption that a straight girl would somehow end up getting wet for another girl."

"And yet we got you plenty wet last night. Strange, that."

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, Hermione shook her head again as she blushed darkly, silently ceding the discussion for the time being. Pushing herself upright so her back rested against the fairly opulent bed's headboard, Hermione raised one eyebrow as both the frost giant and their still drowsing companion shifted to stay in contact with her… and then the other as she looked around and failed to spot something of significant importance to her. "I don't suppose you've seen my arm, have you? I would have assumed it would end up on the left night stand given that it comes off that side of me, but evidently not."

Even as the blue-skinned woman offered an uncertain look and a helpless shrug, help came from the remaining member of their trio. Cracking one eye open, the fire giant pointed across Hermione's body at Loki… then inclined her arm a bit… and then bent her wrist downward. "You actually outlasted Loki last night, Hermione. You asked me for help removing your arm and had me leave it on the floor on the left side of the bed. We agreed that Loki would likely be the first of us to rise and that she could help you reattach it."

"Oh. Thank you." Hermione waited as Loki rolled away from her, leaning over the side of the bed and retrieving the brunette's prosthetic arm. Squirming up into a sitting position herself, Loki gently deposited the slightly oversized golden appendage across Hermione's thighs… and then let out a slightly bemused chuckle before using one hand to draw Hermione's gaze upward from her bare blue breasts. Her slightly faded blush returning with a vengeance, Hermione fixed her attention firmly on her prosthetic, running the fingers of her right hand over the runes carved into the underside of the prosthetic as she fed her magic into them. Once it was suitably primed, she pressed it against the stump of her left arm and held it in place, biting her lip with a faint grunt as the technomantic construct connected with her nervous system. There was a sharp spike of pain and then the golden hand was curled into a fist, slowly relaxing as she breathed out again. Then she turned to the fire giant with an awkward, uncertain smile. "I'm sorry, I obviously caught your name at some point last night, but it's not coming to me at the moment."

Both eyes opened and peered up at Hermione for a second before rolling, and then the fire giant pressed her face back into Hermione's right thigh. "I suppose I did you a favor by naming Loki for you too, then. This is one of the many things I have against mortals: even the more physically robust amongst you have a pitiful ability to hold your liquor. But if my name actually matters to you… Amora. Amora Incantare, on the off chance that you're familiar with me."

That made Hermione's eyes go wide as she nodded slowly, her magic instinctively seeking out where her wand was slotted into the underside of her prosthetic arm. Because if the fire giant on her right was Amora… then that meant the frost giant on her left wasn't just 'a' Loki, she was 'the' Loki. Which in turn meant that she'd decided to have her first lesbian experience with a pair of notorious criminals, who rested rather firmly at the top of not only the ICW's 'most wanted' list but also the MACUSA's and the Ministry of Magic's. And quite possibly that of every magical governing body in the civilized world for their actions at one point or another over their long and storied careers of magic-fueled enmity toward the human race.

As an increasingly anxious Hermione looked back and forth with wide eyes, Loki sighed and shook herself, her body rippling and reforming into a human visage that corresponded more closely with Hermione's fragmented memories of the night before. "You have no reason to fear us, Hermione. Either of us. You certainly didn't last night… and I don't mean that as an innuendo, surprisingly. We did introduce ourselves to you when we first met. You were willing to give us the benefit of the doubt then."

"To be fair, I was drunk at the time. But I'd like to think that I'm the same person even when I've had a few so… very well." Reaching out, Hermione ran a tentative hand over Loki's smooth, pale forearm. "You didn't need to turn back for my sake. I'd like to think I'm cosmopolitan enough to not let something as insignificant as your skin color bother me. And the pointed ears are rather fetching."

Loki pondered that for a moment before shifting her ears back into their pointed state even as she opted to remain in an otherwise human facade. "I didn't do it for your sake, darling, I did it because it's my decision what people get to see when they look at me. And-"

"I've seen pretty much all of you after last night, you know."

"Ahem. I prefer to look like an Asgardian rather than a jötunn. I may not be able to control what happens when I fall asleep - particularly when I'm exhausted - but I can and will opt to control what you see the rest of the time." Loki arched an eyebrow imperiously, waiting until Hermione raised her hands in surrender, before softening a bit. "It's nothing personal, Hermione, nor did it ever occur to me that you might judge me for my heritage. I just… dislike the reminder of where I come from."

While Hermione couldn't entirely empathize with Loki's situation, it was an understandable enough sentiment and so she simply nodded in accedence before looking down at where Amora was still sprawled across her lap. The eldjötnar let out an undignified snort before shaking her head faintly. "Quite frankly, I don't give a fuck what you think of my fiery nature. The only reason I walk around looking like an Asgardian is because it's a lot less likely to get me screamed at by random fearful Midgardians."

Hesitantly, Hermione let her human hand drift back over to rest atop Amora's head, tracing uncertainly over the tendrils of hair-esque rock that sprouted from the fire giant's head. "You don't seem to be the type who minds making us mere mortals scream in terror. Far from it, really."

"In the past, you wouldn't be wrong. We've both turned over new leaves as of late, though; the stretch between the culmination of the last Ragnarök cycle and our reincarnations provided us both with ample time to think about where we wished to go with our new lives." Loki drew Hermione's attention back to her as she shifted on the bed, running her hands up her sides slowly before stretching languidly and smirking a bit as Hermione's gaze began to wander a bit. "Hence the new form on my account; I've decided to devote the majority of my time to being a better parent and learning more about a world that's thrown me down multiple times despite being theoretically inferior. And I'm putting much less energy into my personal ambitions, seeing as how my efforts always seemed to come to naught in the end."

A noble enough sentiment, Hermione had to agree, especially the part about wanting to actually focus on one's children. Loki had at least four if the Eddas were at all factual, and historically she'd had poor relationships with all of them. But that still left one question that had been eating at her for the entire… minute or so that she'd known who Loki was. "Admirable, to be sure, but why not try your hand at being Father of the Year?"

Loki pondered that for a moment before ultimately offering an uncertain shrug in response. "I've always been comfortable assuming whatever form best suits my ambitions at any given moment. I suppose you might chalk it up then to the rigid gender roles that continue to permeate Asgard? Our women are still expected to take the lead when it comes to child-rearing, at least up until a certain point. Or perhaps that I'm taking a page from Amora's book; as the God of Mischief, I always admired the trouble she was able to create almost solely relying on her sex appeal."

"Speaking of sex appeal, since it seems as if Hermione isn't interested in having more sex with us? This situation is rapidly losing its appeal to me." Pushing herself upright on Hermione's other side, Amora retook her own human appearance and stretched languidly before gesturing to the half-opened door leading to what appeared to be the bathroom. "If anyone needs me - and by needs, I clearly mean wants to fuck me again - I'll be in the shower. As soon as I'm clean, I'll be out of your hair. I'd say it was nice meeting you, Hermione, but you're not nearly as much fun when you're sober."

Jaw dropping in disbelief, Hermione watched silently as Amora slipped out of bed and made her way across the room, utterly uncaring of her nudity. From the seductive way her hips swayed and the look she shot back over her shoulder at the bed, Amora was clearly hoping that at least Loki would 'need' her… but the dark-haired Asgardian seemed perfectly content to remain curled up in bed with Hermione. Also, while Hermione wasn't entirely sure if she was a breast girl - mainly on account of still not understanding when exactly she'd begun finding girls attractive - she couldn't help but let out a low whistle at one of Amora's defining features. "I'm not sure which surprises me more: that I'm evidently into women after all, or that I've suddenly turned into a sports fan." Loki arched a brow at that and Hermione blushed faintly before bringing her hands up to her chest, pantomiming the size of Amora's breasts. "They remind me of quaffles, a ball from a wizarding sport that I grew up with. If those things are real, I'll eat my bloody wand."

Loki let out a throaty laugh at that, shifting to sit with her back against the headboard next to Hermione and thoroughly testing the brunette's stance that she didn't find women attractive. Despite being almost intimidatingly large compared to the muggleborn, Loki was quite possibly the closest thing to feminine perfection that Hermione had ever laid eyes on. Curvaceous but not outrageously so like Amora, toned but not bulkily muscular, long black hair, big green eyes, flawless pale skin… especially if she was actively trying to renounce her previously villainous ways, Hermione could understand how she managed to fall into bed with a woman like Loki. "It depends on your definition of 'real', I suppose. Was she born with them? Or rather, was she reborn with them at the start of this cycle? Definitely not. Are they wholly natural and part of her now? Yes. Amora seems to take offense at some of what your kind is willing to subject themselves to in the pursuit of physical perfection, and has begun experimenting to create a magical alternative. Which - given the extent of the plastic surgery industry - stands to make her a very rich woman indeed if she can perfect it."

"So we have one reformed villain who wants to be Mother of the Year, and another who wants to make Doctor Kremer obsolete." Hermione offered a soft chuckle at Loki's confused expression, finally letting the sheet drop to expose her own body and the most prominent scar that marred it… or rather, what was left of it. "Famous plastic surgeon in the London area. The conversion rate from galleons to pounds is favorable enough that even government workers can afford a bit of conspicuous consumption here and there, and so I considered getting this looked at once upon a time. Then I saw his secretary's face when a one-armed woman walked in and… well, the curse scar from when I was fifteen didn't really seem like quite as noticeable a disfigurement anymore."

Reaching out, Loki stroked her fingers over the slightly puckered flesh with a look of reverence on her face. "While I'm not nearly as martial as the rest of my Asgardian brethren… battle scars are never something that you should be ashamed of, Hermione." That was easy to say when one looked as flawlessly perfect as Loki did, Hermione mused with a faint snort. "But I can always convince you of that later. Amora seems to be ready to depart now that she's had her fun, not that I expected any less of her. But seeing as how you seem to be in no hurry to part ways with me… would you perhaps consent to accompanying me while I check in with Helreginn, and then joining me for lunch? From there, we can simply see where the day takes us?"

Hermione opened her mouth to decline before realizing… why not? She didn't sleep deeply enough that her phone wouldn't wake her, so wherever Harry was, he wasn't in distress and trying to get ahold of her. The checkout on the room that they'd never bothered to claim was noon, and they'd accomplished their mission for the MACUSA yesterday before setting out into Vegas for some fun. She had literally nowhere to go and nothing to do at the moment, and an incredibly beautiful woman wanted to keep her company. And so despite her continuing uncertainty about the whole 'woman' thing, and her residual nervousness that being in Loki's presence would lead to unwanted encounters with some form of law enforcement… "I think I'd like that. Although from what little I remember of our fun last night… I might need to borrow some clothes for you."


	6. Even More Exposition

Joe's Note: Hermione's awfully good at seducing - and pleasing - the ladies for someone who claims not to be a lesbian, huh? Maybe one of these days I'll write a side story that follows her through the events of this story… and possibly even beyond… but for now, let's continue on with this story. In other words, it's time to go back to Harry and his wives as they attempt to adjust to their new reality. Because while we've vaguely addressed Helreginn's perspective on things and a bit of Harry's as well, we haven't really touched on how Kate and Cassie are feeling. And poor Nadia's still asleep. Lots of ground to cover there. Don't worry, though, Hermione and her paramours will be making their return in the next chapter… because why should they be left out of a group get together at Denny's for a late breakfast?  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

By the time that Harry and Helreginn finished their shower - and shagging each other rotten in the shower - over an hour had passed and both were well beyond the pruny stage. It took them a bit longer to dry each other off - with plenty of teasing touches and kisses mixed in - and dress before finally emerging back into the living room to find Cassie and Kate still sitting where they'd left the pair. The blonde looked to be somewhere between impressed and uncomfortable, while Kate just seemed disgusted. "Was fucking in the shower really necessary? Three separate times? Because not only would the rest of us like to get clean sometime today, but having sex when your teammates are twenty feet away is just crass. Having loud sex is even worse."

"It took me over two millennia to lose my virginity, Kate. Forgive me for wanting to make up for lost time." Making her way over to where Kate was sitting, Helreginn leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to the brunette's lips, chuckling softly as Kate sputtered indignantly. "Just kidding. I don't care what you think of my decisions. I thoroughly enjoyed shagging Harry in the shower, and I'm going to shag him more as soon as humanly possible." Straightening up, she made her way back over to wrap herself around Harry, resting her cheek on his chest as she grinned up at him. "Shag. I love that term. A bit less crude as 'fuck', but a bit more to the point than 'making merry sport'."

While ordinarily Harry would have found Helreginn's blunt explicitness to be uncomfortable at best, verging on mortally embarrassing? Well, his newly reconstituted memories included ones of him shagging both Cassie and Kate the night before. And Nadia. And Cassie and Nadia at one point. And obviously Helreginn. If Helreginn couldn't be bluntly honest in front of these girls, who could she speak freely in front of? "Given how many other muggle sayings they have their own versions of, I'm honestly surprised that wizards don't have their own euphemism for sex."

Helreginn smirked up at Harry mischievously as she reached out, running her fingers over where his wand was tucked into a holster up his sleeve. "Really? These quaint foci of yours lend themselves so well to it, too. Could call it 'holstering the wand' or some such. Actually, I rather like that one, too. Want me to help holster your wand later, Harry?"

Before Harry could formulate a response - in the affirmative; she was an eager and inquisitive lover that he was definitely looking to enjoying further - a faintly blushing Cassie raised her hand before pointing in Helreginn's direction. Or possibly both of their direction, given they were sitting together. Harry wasn't entirely clear on that point. "I, for one, have nothing against you having sex with our husband whenever and however you feel like. I'm just feeling a bit left out, since my conversation with Kate ended with us sitting here in an uncomfortable silence. Had the feeling that breaking it to announce I was taking you guys up on the shower for three idea would go over like a fart in church."

Harry cocked his head to the side as he stared at Cassie uncomprehendingly. "Seeing as how I am in fact the one who invited you… and Helreginn didn't object to the idea… why in Merlin's name would you possibly think that we'd have a problem with you joining us?"

"First of all, the whole 'Merlin's name' thing just reminds me of how many magic-related things I can't wait to learn about from you. Because if you're using his name like that, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that he was actually a real person?" Cassie let out a faint squeal and clapped her hands as Harry nodded in assent. "That's so cool! Like I said, so many things I can't wait to learn. But getting back to the original topic here… I wasn't afraid of how you'd react. More that I thought it'd be kinda inappropriate to go 'so enough of me rehashing all your previous relationship mistakes, Kate, I'm off to go fuck our husband'. Also, I feel like I should discuss these new developments with my actual pre-last night girlfriend before hopping into bed with anyone new. Again. Or the shower, for that matter."

After exchanging a look with Helreginn, Harry made his way back over to the same armchair that he'd occupied earlier, taking a seat before pulling the jötunn down onto his lap. "I was going to ask about that earlier but, well, Helreginn made me a more compelling offer. So if I'm getting this straight, you were dating Nadia when you got here… and Kate is an ex of yours? Let me start by saying that I'm sorry about that part if nothing else; waking up married to your ex has to be awkward to say the least."

From her spot on the couch, Cassie made a thoughtful noise before ultimately offering an uncaring shrug. "I feel like weird life twists come with being an Avenger, even if I'm technically still just a Young Avenger. Especially in terms of love life misadventures. I mean hell, my first kiss was with the teenage form of a legendary Avengers villain. And my first lesbian experience was with one of my teammates' legitimate nemesis. I've dealt with weirder."

Before Harry could ask any of the several questions that were already forming, Kate turned to stare at Cassie in a mixture of disbelief and disgust. "There were three girls on the Young Masters… Amity was technically your nemesis of the group… you had sex with Amora's mini-me?"

"What does that make Coat of Arms, chopped liver?"

"Like she had eyes for anyone other than Tommy."

"Mrow. You still can't talk about that whole mess without sounding jealous, can you? And you don't even like him."

Kate made several exasperated noises accompanied by wild gestures with her hands before turning on the couch so that she was facing the blonde directly. Taking Cassie's face in her hands, she leaned inward. "Stay with me here. I need you to go back to the part where your actual first time was with Sylvie Lushton. Because that's directly contrary to what you told me when we were together."

Letting out an uncomfortable chuckle, Cassie rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly as she looked from Kate to her lap and then over at Harry before finally meeting Kate's intense gaze again. "I may or may not have bent the truth to make you feel better about your performance that night?"

Clearly not what the brunette had been expecting, Kate's jaw dropped as she stared at Cassie incredulously, her hands falling to rest in her lap. "I… you… what?"

"You were definitely enthusiastic, even if you were a bit lacking in skill. I figured that seeing as how we have all the same parts, there was no way I'd get away with faking it but…" Cassie offered a helpless shrug before patting Kate on the leg reassuringly. "If it's any consolation, you were better than Sylvie by the time we split up so I could date Nadia?"

As Kate sat back and tried to wrap her head around that revelation, Harry waved his hand to draw Cassie's attention back to him. "So, all things considered you and Kate seem to get along well enough that this isn't going to be too horrifically awkward. How do you think Nadia is going to take things? Whenever she finally wakes up, that is."

Cassie raised a hand and wobbled it from side to side uncertainly before suddenly adopting a more serious expression. "Before she wakes up and things get even more chaotic, though, there's something I need to ask you. And try not to take this the wrong way; I'm just trying to satisfy my personal curiosity here. But while the fact that our resident magical specialist isn't disagreeing with you does lend some credibility to what you're saying… do you have any way of proving that we're now all magically married for life? Or otherwise bound by something more serious than a piece of paper that gets torn up like, half the time here in America? Because all jokes about killing you aside, this isn't really what I was picturing for my future. If it's what I'm getting, I'll make it work. But I'm sure you'll understand when I ask… are you sure about this?"

"To make this a bit easier for you to understand? Magic is a lot like the Force. It's not wholly sentient in that it'll walk up to you somewhere and go 'Hi Cassie, I'm Magic, want to get a cuppa together?' or anything, but it definitely has a will and a mind of its own. I remember mentioning earlier that unhappy marriages are rampant in the magical community?" Harry waited for Cassie to nod, gesturing from himself to the silent Kate as he settled on a good example. "Actual cheating is probably not as common as I made it sound because it requires the person to make a conscious sacrifice. They have to decide that they're so unhappy in their marriage that they want to live with the repercussions of breaking a magical vow. Like there's nothing saying that Kate has to stay with us… but if she doesn't? She'll find bows and arrows breaking randomly, she'll land just the wrong way when she falls and break bones more often, dates with others will end in spectacularly bad fashion, et cetera and so forth."

That managed to draw Kate from her thoughts, the brunette crossing her arms over her chest defensively as she twisted her hips a few times, slowly turning herself to face Harry. "So in other words, because I picked the wrong guy to get drunk and throw myself at, my choices are either that I'm stuck with him or I get punished by the Force? Well that's fucking fair."

Harry scoffed at that, gesturing from Kate to where Helreginn was curled up on his lap and back. "I'm sorry, but we're both functionally immortal while you're very… not. You don't think that if I had a choice, I wouldn't be throwing Helreginn over my shoulder and walking out the door in a heartbeat? You're stuck with me, sure, but I'm just as stuck with you. I came to Vegas with a job to do and decided to stay for a bit of relaxation since it was on someone else's galleon. I was single but had no real interest in changing that. Now I've got to figure out what to do with four wives, at least three of whom are attached to somewhere that's not where I call home. And oh yeah, you and Cassie and Nadia are going to grow old and die someday while I'm still getting carded for drinks. That's fun to think about."

"Seriously, though, what the fuck is wrong with your backwards ass magic that it doesn't allow for two people who don't want to be together anymore to go their separate ways? That's so… arbitrary. And selfish. What does it even get out of forcing the people to stay together?" Kate went silent for a few seconds, brow furrowed in thought, before abruptly hopping to her feet and shaking her head angrily. "You know what? I'm not buying it. How the hell can I be bound by a magical vow when I was too drunk to legally consent to anything last night? For that matter, how could we take a vow without even knowing that we were taking the vow? Because I'm pretty sure that if someone had brought up a magically-binding vow as part of things last night, I for one would have noped the fuck out."

After giving Helreginn's waist a squeeze to stifle the angry retort that he could feel rising in her suddenly rigid form, Harry raised one arm to point in the direction of the bedroom. "Because now that I'm sober and clear-headed? I can tell you that Nadia's rolled over twice since I got out of the shower and is sitting in that lightest stage of sleep right before you actually wake up for the day. I'm sure that the connection is a bit more intense because I'm more attuned to magic than the average wizard, but I can feel your irritation, I can feel Cassie's confused uncertainty, and I'm about to grab Helreginn by the waist to keep her from coming out of my lap and getting into your face. Which might make her feel better, but the two of you fighting will accomplish absolutely nothing useful and so I'd rather you not."

Kate tossed her hair with a scoff at that. "Like it takes some sort of magical connection to know that I'm angry about this whole mess." Flopping back down onto the couch beside Cassie with a huff, she nodded in the blonde's direction. "Like she said, the fact that Helreginn isn't arguing with you means it's probably true. Especially because if it wasn't, you two would just be taking off together to live happily ever after. And ever and ever and ever. At the same time, I still can't believe this is happening to me. I knew that I was giving up a normal life the night that I broke into the Avengers Mansion with Cassie, but… well, I guess all I can really do at this point is try to look on the bright side. At least I didn't end up marrying the robot, though. Which means that I'm doing better for myself than Scarlet Witch."

"Just out of curiosity, does anyone know what time we fell asleep?" Having evidently retrieved it at some point while he was enjoying the shower, Cassie pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and checked the time before shooting an uncertain look at the closed bedroom door. "Because I don't want to piss Nadia off by waking her up early… well, again. But I really do want to wake her up and include her in these conversations. Oh, and I want to kiss her. Because I need some serious smooching right now, and she's my only safe bet for the time being."

Opening his mouth to respond, Harry was cut off by Helreginn chuckling lowly and making a beckoning gesture to Cassie. "I would be more than willing to provide all of the 'smooching' that you require, Cassie. I'm sure that Nadia wouldn't begrudge a bit of affection from your wife, would she?"

Cassie looked a bit torn at the suggestion, but ultimately decided in favor of rising to her feet… and pointing at the bedroom door. "I feel like there's a right way and a wrong way to break the whole polygamy thing to Nadia… and having that conversation with your lipstick smudged all over my face is most definitely the wrong way."

Offering a throaty chuckle, Helreginn reached up and ran her thumb over her lips before pulling it away to show that her lipstick hadn't transferred even a speck of black onto her pale skin. Cassie blushed and shook her head, demurring in favor of scampering back into the bedroom. Turning to Kate, Helreginn arched an eyebrow inquiringly but the brunette just shook her head. "Sorry, but I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about this whole mess, and no amount of 'smooching' is going to help me make up my mind. Also, did you brush your teeth before you came out here? Because even if I was interested in kissing you, I'm not in the mood to get snowballed."

"I have no idea what that means and I'm not sure I…" Harry trailed off as Helreginn leaned in and whispered into his ear, his face going bright red at her explanation. Well then. To be fair, he couldn't really blame Kate; he wouldn't want to have that happen to him either. Before he could continue, his stomach growled softly. "I think I burned off my breakfast and then some in the shower. Maybe once Cassie wakes Nadia up, we can go and find some food? Oh, and are you guys here with anyone else? Because I really should figure out where my friend Hermione is and if she's okay. We were supposed to be sharing a hotel room, and seeing as how it was in my name? I'm a little worried about where she might have ended up last night."

Before Kate could respond, there was a knock on the door that drew all of their attention. Kate looked back and forth between the doorway leading to the hall and the door for the suite's smaller bedroom before shrugging helplessly; evidently whatever company she might be expecting wouldn't be coming through the front door when they did arrive. Instead, it was Helreginn who rose to her feet and clapped her hands together excitedly. "I suppose it's time to face the music for last night, although I have to wonder what she might have gotten up to if she's running this late. And…" Trailing off, she cocked her head to one side curiously. When in Odin's beard did she reincarnate? Not that I'm not happy to see her, of course, but I'm a bit put out that this is the first that I'm hearing from her."

As Harry slowly levered himself to his feet, trying to shake off the numbness that had started to sit in from having someone perched on his lap for that long, Helreginn crossed the distance and swung the door wide open. Standing outside were… one, two, three figures, none of who Harry expected to be coming face-to-face with at that particular moment. Especially the one at the front of the… well, she had been at the front before Loki pushed her way past and into the room.

The woman who had to be Loki was the first one to enter, pulling Helreginn into a hug before leaning in and whispering lowly in what was presumably Asgardian or quite possibly Norwegian. It sounded a lot like Norwegian to Harry's relatively untrained ear but to be fair, so did Swedish and Danish. She had definitely changed since the last time her ICW dossier was updated, the fact that he was now a she notwithstanding. While a strict regimen of potions over the last few years had undone most of the effects of the Dursley's mistreatment, Loki was easily a half foot taller than Harry's own form, with eyes almost the same shade of green as his own and black curls that tumbled down over her shoulders. Pulling away from Helreginn, Loki regarded Harry from beneath heavily lidded eyes, a knowing smirk on her lips. Well, he mused, she didn't seem to disapprove. That was worth something, right?

Entering the room a few steps behind Loki was the slightly less familiar - but no less dangerous - Amora Incantare, also known as Amora the Enchantress. She looked a tad older - and considerably bustier - than the last file photo of her that Harry had seen, enough to make her a peer of the strange new maternal Loki but doing nothing to diminish her beauty. Her wardrobe had also taken a turn for the muggle compared to the last time that magical law enforcement had caught up with her. It seemed to suit her, although Harry wasn't sure there was such a thing as an outfit that wouldn't look good on Amora. And bringing up the rear was the absolute last person that Harry was expecting: a thoroughly sheepish-looking Hermione, clad in a green and gold dress that was clearly repurposed from Loki's wardrobe… with which her prosthetic arm actual accessorized remarkably well.

Before he could ask Hermione the first of many questions that were forming in his mind, there was a shout from the main bedroom. "WE GOT WHAT TO WHO?!"


	7. Discussion at Denny's

Joe's Note: If you're curious as to why I've transgendered two of the Young Avengers for the early chapters of this story… well, it's a long story. It really worked for previous versions, where our protagonist's companion and her love interest were a bit more misandrist. My wife had also done a really cute sketch of the entire team gender bent, and I was looking for an excuse to use She-Hulking and Scarlet Witchlette. But also, it does play to the theme that Harry has accidentally dove into the middle of an estrogen ocean from which he can't easily escape… even if two of the girls aren't technically his problem.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

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Anya was having an especially hard time not snickering as she looked around the table, taking in her teammates plus three. One member out of those three being the root of the majority of their problems at the moment, and it wasn't the one who most people would have picked if given the choice. Hilarious, almost soap opera-like problems. Not that she watched soap operas. Even if she was exploring her interest in seeing how the fairer sex lived while they were in Vegas, she wasn't that much of a girl. As for her fondness for telenovelas… that was just her being multicultural. Right? Yeah.

So far, her day was off to a rather interesting start. After sending a final round of texts to each of her teammates for good measure, Anya had waited for Jenny to emerge from the bathroom before casting a basic status spell that she'd learned from Helreginn early in the girl's tenure as a Young Avenger. The spell had thankfully shown that all four of her teammates were perfectly fine, albeit anxious in Cassie's case and alarmed in Nadia's. Kate had come back as irritated but… well, that just meant the brunette was awake. From there, she'd moved on to a locator spell, which placed them all at various points within the suite that shared a common wall - and connecting door - with their room. And so finally they'd been forced to shrug and invade the quartet's privacy, making their way through an empty bedroom into the suite's living area.

That was when things had taken an abrupt turn for the… equal parts unbelievable and hilarious. Amora Incantare had been in the process of making herself scarce, momentarily capturing Anya's attention because, well, since when was Amora being present not a cause for alarm? Or for that matter, since when was she back? But Anya kept her mouth shut due to the fact that nobody else seemed to mind… and because she was fairly certain that Kate would murder her if she destroyed part of the suite battling with Amora.

Doing her best to put the blonde Asgardian out of her mind, Anya's gaze had then drifted over to where a very blue Helreginn was perched atop an utterly unfamiliar dark-haired man's lap as she sat and talked with her mother… who had an equally unfamiliar brunette sitting by her side. It'd been hard for her to decide which of the unknowns to focus on first: the one that her teammate was cuddling with, or the one with a golden arm who was wearing one of Loki's dresses. That contest had been won hands down when Helreginn turned to her with an uncommonly large smile and introduced Anya and Jenny… to her husband.

Before that conversation could get too far, a sheepish Cassie had emerged from the suite's master bedroom with a disgruntled-looking Nadia in tow and announced that they were ready for some breakfast. Or technically brunch, seeing as how it was pushing noon by that point. Interested as she was in hearing some - if not all - of the stories that were awaiting her, Anya had opted not to argue and they'd set off in search of food. Unfortunately for all of them, while Kate was paying, it was Cassie's turn to pick where they ate… and the girl's tastes were still decidedly pedestrian for someone who'd been hooking up with a celebutante on and off for a while.

Now they were sitting around a table at the nearest Denny's - which was oddly classy on the inside as befitting a restaurant in downtown Las Vegas - waiting for their breakfasts to arrive. Helreginn and Cassie were currently occupying the chairs on either side of their new husband - something that Anya was still trying to wrap her head around - while Kate sulked off to Helreginn's left and Nadia was leaning up against Cassie's right side. That left Harry and Hermione stuck speaking across two people, but that didn't seem inclined to stop them as they did their best to catch up. Loki was surveying it all with a bemused look and a possessive arm thrown around her paramour's shoulders… and before Anya could evaluate the situation any further, Jenny lost her battle with her sense of humor, letting out a peal of laughter before pointing to the girls clustered around Harry. "Okay seriously, am I the only one who thought we'd avoid the typical drunken Vegas stupidity by leaving Tommy home? Or failing that, maybe that Loki would be the one to get up to something like this? How the hell did this happen? You guys are supposed to be the responsible ones. Or at least Kate is."

Loki opened her mouth with an offended expression on her face, only to pause before looking over at her companion. After a few seconds, she settled back into her chair with a faint smirk. "I suppose that given what I got up to last night, I thoroughly resemble that remark."

Letting out a derisive snort, Nadia took a sip from her soda before gesturing toward Harry with her cup. "To be fair, at least we were responsible enough to only get ourselves irrevocably tied to one guy. It could be a lot worse; we could be trying to figure out how we're going to make things work with multiple strange guys. Speaking of strange guys, though…" Turning to face Harry, she saluted with her cup. "We still haven't been properly introduced. I'm Nadia Pym, the Unstoppable Wasp. Not to be confused with the Winsome Wasp, which is my step-mother. You've probably heard more about her than me at this point."

"Don't worry, I've heard of you too. The MACUSA keeps very up to date files on all of the superheroes and supervillains running around in America. You were part of my required reading when I landed in New York. Wasn't sure why, seeing as how I was just passing through on my way to Vegas… I guess they knew you guys were on vacation and wanted me to be prepared for if I ran into you." Harry grinned as he leaned across Cassie, plucking the cup out of Nadia's hand and setting it down so that he could capture her hand and press a kiss to the back of it. "Pleasure to meet you when you're rested enough to not threaten me, though."

Blushing faintly, Nadia ducked her head a bit to hide behind her chin-length black bob. "I'm really not a morning person."

Harry let out a soft chuckle at that, pressing another kiss to Nadia's hand before releasing it. "To be fair, the only reason why I've been as coherent and functional as I am right now is the anti-hangover potion that I knocked back. I'm definitely more of a 'sleep till noon' type of man if given the choice. Not that I am often because of work, but when I can… don't expect to see me during any hour ending with AM."

That earned him an uncouth snort from Hermione even as she stirred her steaming cup of tea. "As the one who had to make sure he was up and moving for the better part of seven years of schooling, I can personally attest to this. You two sound like a match made in lazy heaven."

"Strong words from the girl who relied on the tea I brought her to stay awake long enough for Astronomy class."

"You mean the tea that enslaved elves made for you?"

"Hey, Dobby was a free elf. All the other elves would spit in drinks if they knew it was for you."

"That's revolting. I knew they didn't… share my vision for their future, per se, but-"

"This is so cool. Your school had astronomy class? And elves? That hated Hermione?" Cassie looked back and forth between the two eagerly, her eyes wide and excited. "I have so many things I can learn from the two of you. Why was there astronomy class? I mean, from a magical perspective, what's the point of it? Oh, and can I meet an elf? What do I have to do to make sure he doesn't spit in my drinks?"

While similar questions were actively swirling through Anya's head - especially astronomy; she'd never really encountered a situation where she had to take anything beyond Earth's atmosphere into account when she worked with her powers - the brunette had a feeling that they could spend all day discussing this new magical world that her teammates had married into. And while that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, that entire day should probably come after the day where they figured out… well, what exactly the fuck was going on with the marriage, her teammates' new husband, Loki and her new 'friend', et cetera and so forth. "Not to be that girl, but is now really the time for this particular discussion?"

Cassie opened her mouth to respond, closed it as she reconsidered her opinion, and then ultimately nodded affirmatively before gesturing to Harry. "Seeing as how I've already surrendered to the inevitability of my unbreakable marriage with Harry, I feel like the existence of elves and the nature of magical astronomy are the perfect things to be discussing right now. Oh, I've got another one. Since this obviously isn't the first time you've had to explain it to someone… what's the dumbest question you've ever had a muggle ask you?"

After pondering that one for almost an entire minute with a thoughtful look on his face, Harry finally arrived at an answer. "I legitimately had one ask me about poop once. As in, how did we poop." That earned him a mixed look of confusion and disgust from Cassie, and so he elaborated. "He'd seen me vanish a few things and so he was wondering if we actually took the time to use a bathroom like muggles did or if we just… took care of business and then vanished everything when we were done."

"That's revolting. Who even thinks of something like that?"

"I shouldn't have told him yes. He kept giving me funny looks any time I shifted in place the entire rest of the time we were together."

"Harry Potter, ladies and gentlemen. Savior of the Wizarding World. Trashed trouser prankster. This is the man who you have tied yourselves to for the rest of your lives. My condolences." Hermione let out an exasperated sigh before turning to look up at Loki. "Just think, he's your son-in-law now."

Loki offered a faint shrug in response, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Hermione's forehead before shoot a speculative glance over at Harry. "He could be yours."

Straightening up a bit, a wide-eyed Hermione looked back and forth between Harry and Loki several times as the implication processed, before shaking her head despondently. "I feel like asking me to marry you after a one-night stand is the epitome of impulsiveness and stupidity. The sort of thing that the old - and admittedly less functional - Loki would have done. Also, literally what She-Hulkling was making a joke at your expense about."

After pouting for a moment at having her overture rebuffed, Loki eventually sighed in defeat. "Hmm, perhaps you're right. I'll broach the subject again in two days. Get a three-night stand under my belt first, see how you feel about things."

Any further conversation - or debate about the realistic feasibility of Loki's plans for Hermione - was cut off as a pair of waitresses came over and began setting down plates of food, a total of three of them working in tandem to deliver all of the food to the table. As Anya began unwrapping the napkin from around her silverware, Hermione began conversing quietly with Loki in what sounded suspiciously like Asgardian, the older woman nodding in acknowledgement before leaning over and cutting the brunette's sandwich in half for her. Hermione pressed a quick kiss to Loki's lips in thanks before turning to her food, a faint blush stealing across her cheeks, and Anya found herself unable to stop from addressing the pair. "So. Loki and… Hermione. Interesting name. Very Shakespeare. How did you two end up meeting? And how did Amora fit into everything? Where is Amora, for that matter?"

"Amora decided that I was no fun when my legs were shut and made herself scarce accordingly." Hermione scowled faintly at that before gesturing over at Loki with the halved sandwich in her hand. "As for how we met? I cleaned both of them out over a game of poker. I'm not entirely sure what I said to one - or both - of them to catch their interest, but we sorta went from there to a few other places and then back to the hotel."

Loki shrugged faintly at the opening she was being handed, reaching up to run her fingers through Hermione's hair gently before going back to her food. "Mortal magical users are so very rare - at least from my perspective - that I would have been intrigued by that alone. But it was mostly how intelligent and opinionated you were that drew me to you. Amora, on the other hand, merely stayed around because we quickly realized that you were going to be a 'sure thing' for me and she wanted to have a bit of fun last night."

Arching an eyebrow as her blush returned, Hermione bumped one shoulder against Loki. "I was by no means a sure thing, thank you very much. I don't even remember at what point I agreed to let you take me to bed, but it certainly wasn't very quickly. And for the record, I'm still not sure when I decided I was into the fairer sex. Or if I even am, or if you're some sort of exception."

"Well, you'd certainly decided you were by the time we got back to my room. You were very demanding and sure of what you wanted from us last night." Loki licked her lips slowly before offering Hermione a lascivious wink. "You were breathtaking. Literally, at points."

Not really sure that her stomach could handle hearing more about a teammate's mother's sex life, Anya cleared her throat before interjecting herself back into the conversation. "Okay, there's something… well, a lot of stuff I still don't understand at this point. But I guess my biggest question is… so what if you got married by the Universal Church of Truth? You can still get divorced when that happens. See also: like, six of my classmates' parents in high school."

Looking up from his breakfast, Harry raised his hand sheepishly. "That one is actually wholly my fault. You see, unlike you muggles, the wizarding world actually recognizes polygamy under specific circumstances. I happen to be eligible for one of those specific circumstances: I'm the sole extant head of multiple noble houses. So my people actually would recognize the marriage without the agreement that the Universal Church of Truth operates under… and we don't have divorce. Unions blessed in the view of magic are until death do we part."

Anya furrowed her brow as she slowly shoveled a piece of waffle into her mouth, chewing it slowly and swallowing before pointing her fork in Harry's direction. "So what I'm hearing here is that we need to kill you to fix this." When Helreginn straightened up, eyes flashing and a furious expression on her face, Anya quickly raised her hands in surrender. "Kidding. Kidding. I'm sure you're a perfectly decent guy who wasn't planning on having this happen any more than we were. We're not going to kill you."

"You, uh, don't really have a choice in that regard." Harry jerked a thumb in the scowling Helreginn's direction before letting his hand drop to rest atop hers comforting. "You're looking at the future King of Niflheimr on account of the fact that I'm about as mortal as Helreginn here. So you could try to kill me, but it'd pretty much just piss me off." Oh. Well that was certainly… game changing. Especially because all of her teammates were as mortal as she was, Anya realized, and Harry could very easily free himself from his predicament through those same means without ever putting himself at actual risk. "With all that said? After we're done here, I'm going to pop over to the local branch of Gringotts and see what the goblins have to say about all this. For all I know, alien marriages don't count in the eyes of magic and we're all worried for nothing."

With a soft chuckle, Helreginn looked down at their hands and intertwined her fingers with Harry's before meeting his gaze again. "Perhaps then I should come along on this errand? On the off chance that we might need to resolemnize things in the eyes of magic?"

Bringing their joined hands up to his lips, Harry pressed a kiss to the back of Helreginn's hand before shaking his head. "If that's what needs to happen, I'd like to have something a bit more romantic than the two of us looming over a goblin in the bowels of Gringotts. If it's all the same to you, of course." Helreginn pondered that for a moment before nodding in agreement, leaning in to rest her head on Harry's shoulder as she went back to eating her brunch. "Although that does raise the question… what are you lot going to do while I'm gone? Apart from finish sobering up, that is."

From her spot between Helreginn and Hermione, Kate tentatively raised her hand. "I can categorically state that being pampered has never been a bad thing when I'm hung over. Spa afternoon? My treat?" The last part was a bit redundant in Anya's eyes, given that the entire two week vacation was by and large the heiress's treat but… it was nice to know they wouldn't have to pay if Anya decided she was feeling adventurous and wanted to explore another element of stereotypical femininity. Did she? She… definitely wasn't against it. After all, she'd always been curious about what her mother and her friends got up to when they disappeared for the majority of a Sunday every so often. "Unless anyone here has a better idea, that is?"

"Well, now that it's just the two of us, I was thinking of taking Hermione back to my room for a while. Amora's not a terribly big fan of it, but given that you don't seem entirely sold on the idea of female partners? I thought maybe…" Loki leaned in, whispering something in Hermione's idea that sent the brunette's face cycling through expressions of shock, intrigue, and arousal. "If you're interested."

Hermione looked from Loki down to her lunch and then back, before ultimately picking up the remaining half of her sandwich and taking a big bite out of it. "Well, Harry's safe and not dead. My one job for the day is complete. Let me eat a bit more to replenish my strength, and then you're on."

"Or you could be on. If you know what I mean."

"I do, and that's a solid yes in my book. Both our books, really, if you're as into me being dominant as you claim you are…"

Anya… quickly decided that she really didn't want to know what they were talking about, turning her attention to her plate and attacking her food with gusto.


End file.
